Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of my favorite momma's out there! You know who you are! But a little shout out to the mom's who've modeled for me what it's like to be a great mom... My mom, Auntie Kim, Annie, Anna, Sarah, Kristin, Natalie, Jessie, Becky.... the list could go on but each of these mom's has recently taught me at least one valuable lesson on how to be a good mom! Thank you and you are all a wonderful inspiration! I love you guys!

And a special Happy Mother's Day to all my waiting friends - being a mother without a baby is the hardest obstacle of all. Have faith, you're time will come. And since I know how much it stinks to hear that, I'll just say I love you girls!

"Happy Mother's Day"

It comes around every year;

but when you have empty arms,

it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,

for all the trials she overcame;

and a reminder to an infertile

of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,

Is it just conception and birth?

Or is there something more,

that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,

in everything you do;

it's a sacrifice and determination,

and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,

around a child not yet conceived;

she loves them even though they aren't here,

more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,

what a blessing that children are;

she words hard for just a chance

that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her, and yet she still has hope;

everyday is a another struggle,

finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,

she can still be a mother too;

So say a special "Happy Mothers Day;

for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

And to Miss B... I can't imagine how hard today is for you. To know the love and joy of being a mother but not having Gabe to hold. Without you, celebrating today wouldn't be a possibility for me. Thank you so much for loving Gabriel so much that you allowed us the opprotunity to raise him. Never a day goes by without thinking of you, loving you and praying for you. Thank you so much for giving me this day and everyday with our Gabe. Love you!

Was it just last year?

Last year I skipped Mother's Day. And it stunk. And it didn't just stink for me, it stunk for my Mom too. And believe me, I have a fabulous mom so to skip Mother's Day was not an easy, or quick decision I made. But I knew, emotionally I would not be able to handle another Mother's Day without being a mom.

So last Mother's Day, Matt and I went to church where I gave my Mom a hug but couldn't utter those 3 words that I knew would break my heart and then taught Sunday School where I let Matt and Tiffany (the other girl that helps us - she's the best) work the door so I could avoid all of the mothers picking up their children. And then Matt and I went home, ate and had just an ordinary Sunday. And that's what I needed; it was cathartic yet selfish. Because more than any other day, even her birthday, my mom loves Mother's Day. Because she loves being a mother. And she is such a great mother. Unselfish, devoted, kind and loving; a wonderful, devoted to God type of Mom. The type of mom I hope to be, just with a lot more babies:)

Last year I never would have believed that I would be the mama of a beautiful 8 month old baby boy. I hoped but didn't believe it. But the other fabulous mother in my life did. At my nephew Jacob's birthday party which occurred the day before Mother's Day my sister-in-law (but, really I mean sister) gave me my first Mothers Day gift. An angel that came with the saying "May you find strength, peace and beauty every day." It was beautiful, sweet and made me cry, of course! But what meant more to me than the gift was what Annie said, that she believed this would be my last Mothers Day without a baby. And I wanted to believe her and I hoped she was right, but for the sake of my heart, I couldn't fully believe. But on nights when I was sad, days that I felt hopeless or mornings I awoke empty I clung to her words, her belief that soon I would be a mother.

And I am! Sometimes I still can't believe how God has blessed my life and answered the desire of my heart by giving us Gabe. Even though I'd like a few uninterrupted hours of sleep or a shower that doesn't include popping my head out to talk to Gabe, I wouldn't change a thing. If our journey has taught me anything (and believe me, it's taught me more than I could ever share) it has taught me to cherish every moment. Sleepless nights and cold showers, sweet baby smells and accessories, smiles and coos, dirty diapers and peed on mama, furniture, clothes.... all of it, everything - I love it and wouldn't trade for anything.

I am so blessed and I know it. And maybe that's why my heart is feeling a little heavy tonight. Because I am blessed and know so many couples that are still waiting. I know what it feels like to see a pregnant belly, a newborn baby or a disheveled new mom and wish that was me. So this year, as I celebrate the wonderful life of motherhood I am not going to forget my sisters and brothers that are still traveling this journey, still waiting for their blessing. I'm going to pray that God comforts them and blesses them soon with the desires of their heart. And that while they're waiting; the people in their life remember them on days like this, just like my sister Annie remembered me last year.

Would you join me in praying for all of the people waiting for their family? Whatever path they take on this journey; adoption, fertility treatments or just waiting and trying that they find peace and comfort. And believe me, even if you don't know who they are, you know someone who's waiting.

Prayers are powerful. "Confess to one another therefore your faults and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The earnest prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available." James 5:16

And We Headed Downtown

Last week Gabe and I ventured down to the clinic (Cleveland Clinic) for his neurology appointment. And unlike last time, this time I came prepared. I was (or at least thought I was) ready to hear whatever Dr. F had to throw at us. We were there ready and on time; actually for once, we were early and I was not seen running through the halls pushing Gabe in his stroller!

So we got there on time and ready to see Dr. F. Can I tell you how much we love Dr. F? At each appointment he comes out and get us himself. Peds neurology is the only place I've seen that happen so far. He walks us back and talks to Gabe the whole time. I love that he talks to Gabe first; interacting with him and acknowledging him. I think that this is important. Even though Gabe can't talk back to him, Dr. F always acknowledges Gabe as his patient and I as a parent really appreciate it. I appreciate the fact that Dr. F respects even his littlest patients enough to consider what they need. And his respect for Gabe causes me to respect him more.

Dr. F gave Gabe a full and lengthy examination and then discussed the results with us (me and Gabe). In summary, Gabe is doing really well. Developmentally Gabe is behind gross motorly (which we knew) and he stressed the imporantance of continuing his physcial and occupational therapies. But cognitively Gabe is right on target (again, we thought this) and for us, this is the most important. We know with Gabes wonderful therapists and all of the work we do at home, that he will catch up gross motorly. Knowing that thus far Gabe is on target cognitively is such a relief and blessing for us.

Gabe really hammed it up for Dr. F. too. He smiled, chatted and was very social. Gabe has only recently found consonants (m,c and an occasional b) and boy did he show those off for Dr. F. I was one proud mama!

And while I was prepared for whatever the doctor had to say, I wasn't exactly prepared to hear different, or shall I say more results. Dr. F confirmed everything we learned when the nurse called after his MRI, but he also added that there was an area on the left side of Gabe's brain that also has some dysplasia (where the brain is not convuluted like it is supposed to be). Like all the previous results, we will just continue to play the wait-and-see game.

So far, the wait-and-see game has been great. Gabe is doing great, developing well and hasn't had any seizure activity!

So Dr. F seemed happy and that makes us happy. Except just a little bummed that Gabe has a little problem on the left side of the brain. But as I sit here and type this out, I just realized that even though we just found out about the left side of the brain not being 'perfect' God knew all along.

God knew that while everyone was concentrating on Gabe's right side of the brain, that the left was a little different too. Even though we didn't know, God knew. And even though we don't know what all of this means, God does. And in that I find immense comfort.

Though we don't know where the bumps, forks and intersections in this road are going to take us, God does. Better yet, He's already there. Now that is SWEET RELIEF!

Here's to God forgiving me of my past, guiding my present and already being in my future!

Love & Blessings, Meredith

Silly Gabe!

How the cool kids ride around Crocker Park. Asleep and with their foot up!

Wahoo!

Chief Wahoo that is!

The Game: Twins vs Indians

The Date: May 1, 2010

Gabe's Age: 8 months

Gabe went to his first Indians game this weekend! Matt bought the tickets for the 3 of us to go a while back, but then the weather was predicted to be quite rainy so just Matt and I were going to go. Well, the rain got pushed back and a family night at the Jake was declared. (I know, I know. It's Progressive Stadium now, but it'll always be the Jake to me!

Gabe loved it (at first)! He was so intrigued by all of the lights and sounds, and every time people clapped he'd get a big smile and look around all proud. Maybe his Mama and Daddy clap too much for him?! Eventually he got tired and the Indians made a good play, the crowd cheered and then Gabe cried. After calming him, we found a more quieter area of the stadium and watched a few more innings. Then loud people moved behind us and we decided to head home before Gabe became scared again. But we stayed through 8 innings! And the Indians won in 11 innings! Wahoo!

In our seats...

Gabe & Daddy at the Indians Game

Family picture at the stadium - look at the camera, Gabe.

Watching the Twins warm-up!

I just can't stand his cuteness!

Gabe and his very first souvenir, a Slider doll - eck! I mean stuffed animal!

I realize Gabe won't remember going to his first Indians game, but going to Indians games (especially on dollar dog nights) is one of mine and Matt's favorite things to do and I loved being able to do it as a family of 3!