I knew going to El Salvador would be a life changing experience. Praying before I left, I begged for God to not only use this trip as a way for me to help others but to change me in the process. While I'm still not sure where to go from here, what I need to do next, I do know one thing for sure:
Once you see something, you can't unsee it. It is impossible. And frankly, I don't want to unsee it.
I can't stop seeing Maria's despairing, unsmiling eyes. When I see Gabriel's face light up as he plays basketball or asks for berries, I can't help but remember that some children don't have that look of being well loved play across their face. Every child... every single child should know what it feels like to be loved and overly adored by their parents.
Walking through the grocery store, as I pick for the best peaches or request grass-fed organic beef I can't help but feel the weight of the food boxes in my hand as I passed it out to families living in Caoba. Those food boxes, the size of an American take-out container would be some peoples only food for days.
Scrubbing the tub and getting irritated that the water takes so long to get warm, I will suddenly feel ashamed because I saw the black water barrels. The water barrels that people filled and hoped would last until the water came back on next week.
Holding Gabe, carrying him into church, into therapy, around the house - sometimes I forget just how much he weighs and remember how light Carlitos and Ruby felt in my arms. These precious little children, if it had not been for the extreme love pouring out of La Grand Commission church, would go hungry. Yet still, with the church providing their lunch and snack during the week, they look too skinny. If it wasn't for the church they wouldn't have medicine when get sick, clothes and shoes when there's wore out or someone to teach them about God and play wiffle ball with them after lunch.
I have seen third world poverty. God help me, I've heard what we'll see in Ethiopia is worse. I have felt the despair emanate from the eyes of the hungry and seen the look of hopelessness flash across the face of a child who knew you would have to leave at the end of the day.
Quite often, I have to chastise myself for complaining about things that are "first world" problems.
Too much laundry? At least I don't have to wash everything by hand in a bucket. Dirty floors? At least my floors aren't made of dirt! Internt too slow? Blogger not cooperating? Gabe's toys all over? Gas prices?
These first world problems do not relate to real problems. Starving, lacking shelter, no access to clean water, living in an orphanage, homes washing away, having parents that can't provide for your basic needs.... these are real problems.
I've seen it. I can't unsee it. I wouldn't want to anyways. I just need to figure out where to go from here.
Yesterday I read this verse "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17 and felt convicted and liberated at the same time. Convicted to do something, liberated to know that I have the ability to do something.
Showing posts with label El Salvador. Show all posts
Showing posts with label El Salvador. Show all posts
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
El Salvador: The Orphanage
When Pastor Ivo told us we'd be going to an orphanage on Tuesday, I was excited. Truly the words orphanage and excited don't belong together in a sentence but that was what I was feeling.
Waking up Tuesday morning I felt a mixture of the aforementioned excitement and quite a bit of trepidation. According to Pastor Ivo this was a 'good' orphanage but I couldn't help but wonder what good signified and how the words good and orphanage could even go together. I spent most of the morning in prayer and chiming in on the conversations going on around me. Conversations about breakfast, ways to bring little ones home with us and what we would be doing that particular Tuesday at the orphanage.
Pulling up to the orphanage my pulse quickened and my palms grew sweaty - this was it! Today I would be able to hug, love and spend time with children who had no family; today these children would know someone loves them. The van door was barely open before little arms were waving in the air for someone to pick them up.
Gabby was the first little love that made it into my arms. Gabby was a slight 3 year old girl who lives at the orphanage with her sister, brother and her mother. Her mother fled to the orphanage from a bad situation and has found respite and safety within the orphanage compound. She now works providing care for the other orphans, cooking and cleaning all while being able to keep her children safe with her. Gabby was one of the lucky children we met.
After a brief meeting with the orphanage director, a few of our team members went to cook while others of us went to tour the orphanage and meet the children. Most of the children were at school but the littlest ones were flitting about; some laughing, some smiling and some not even willing to meet the eyes of the strangers coming to visit. Walking into one of the girls rooms, a little love was laying on the floor. She'd been sick with a fever and was isolated from the other children. But why if she was sick, was she laying on the floor? We'd find out the answer later; despite the ample amount of beds and cribs the littler children all slept on mats on the floor. Despite having rails safety was the given reason. After discussion with Pastor Ivo's wife, Mariolas, it seems that sleeping on a mat on the floor provides less work for the women there.
We met child after child. Recess started at the school and we made our way up to the playground. Orphans that live on the school grounds and children that live with their families both attend this school but it was easily to tell whom lived where. The children that lived with their families were wearing clean uniforms, their hair looked fresh and they were indifferent to the strangers in their midst. The orphans? Their uniforms were either ill-fitting or holey, their hair was mussed and they flocked to the members of our team knowing it meant extra attention, someone to play with and if they were lucky some sweets.
This is when I met Inez, Bersida, Katarina and Carlo... how I loved these little ones. There was no language barrier as they just wanted my attention. We took pictures together on my phone, played a really odd game of dodge ball and spent time coloring. There were also a lot hugs, hand holding and lap sitting. These young children were just starving for a human touch and to be loved. My heart just ached recognizing that while they had a place to sleep, food to eat and were getting an educated they were missing the most fundamental part of life; love.
Making our way back toward the orphanage I encountered little Maria. Two nights prior Pastor Ivo had told me the story of a mother-daughter combination living at the orphanage and one look from Pastor Ivo confirmed this was the little girl he had told me about. Maria and her mother Brenda have been living at the orphanage for all of Maria's life. For the first time in Brenda's life she feels safe and she's mothering Maria the best way she knows. But it's not enough. Brenda still needs a mother herself; she needs someone to love her, tell her how special she is and teach her about Jesus. And Maria, the little love who is described by the orphanage director as the girl who never smiles needs someone to ensure she has someone who loves her enough to make her smile.
All to quickly lunch was served, pinatas were broken and we began to hand out new clothes. Mari, our team leader, met a women who heads up Dresses for Orphans while she was at Summit this past May. They supplied us with 100 dresses and t-shirts to give to the orphans. The look of excitement on each child's face as they were handed a dress (or t-shirt for the boys) was priceless; to have a dress that was new, fit them and was all theirs seemed almost too good to be true. The fact that we had a shirt or dress in each child's side was a gift from God.
After clothes were handed out, it was time to go. Departure was delayed by long goodbyes, extra hugs and last words. Holding Maria one last time, kissing Brenda's forehead and telling her I loved her about broke my heart. The van was loaded, the gates opened, we waved goodbye and pulled away.
And my heart broke. Conversations started around me but I couldn't even grasp the topic as I tried to grasp the fact that we had to leave all of those little loves. I put my head against the seat to hide my tears as I silently cried out to God. How did we let this happen? Why is no one speaking up for these children? Where is the Church amidst this disaster? What can I do?
A gentle hand touched my shoulder and I knew it was Mari. Mari, my fellow high school alum, my sister in Christ and my friend who has a huge heart for the orphans. She too was feeling my paint.
I left part of my heart in that orphanage. With Maria and Brenda. With Bersida, Inez, Katarina, Carlo, Paul, Eduardo, Flora, Patrica. All of those orphans - they are unadoptable. I know because I inquired - if I had my way we'd be working out a plan to get these children into a home right now. Brenda would have a mom and Maria a grandma. But until they're ready to leave, the orphanage will be there home. And it's not really a home - it's just a place to live. A home is a place with a family to love you, to teach you and to always be there for you. A home is where you learn unconditional love, right from wrong and where you belong.
I was excited to visit an orphanage and I'm glad I did. Before I cared about the orphans, prayed for them, advocated for them and wanted to bring them home. But it's different now. Now the 160 million orphans in the world have faces, names.
And I can't forget them. Inez's smile and Brenda's untrusting expression swim through my mind throughout the day. Sometimes I can still feel Maria in my arms when she finally realized she was safe with me or see Katarina praying with Alex.
Each and every orphan is so much more than the sum of the orphan crisis. They're children, babies and young adults that simply need a family, someone to love them and give them a chance.
Now, I just need to figure out what exactly my part is in the orphan crisis. We can't adopt them all and adoption isn't the only answer to the problem. But these little ones, they deserve a solution to the orphan crisis as their future depends on it.
Waking up Tuesday morning I felt a mixture of the aforementioned excitement and quite a bit of trepidation. According to Pastor Ivo this was a 'good' orphanage but I couldn't help but wonder what good signified and how the words good and orphanage could even go together. I spent most of the morning in prayer and chiming in on the conversations going on around me. Conversations about breakfast, ways to bring little ones home with us and what we would be doing that particular Tuesday at the orphanage.
Pulling up to the orphanage my pulse quickened and my palms grew sweaty - this was it! Today I would be able to hug, love and spend time with children who had no family; today these children would know someone loves them. The van door was barely open before little arms were waving in the air for someone to pick them up.
Gabby was the first little love that made it into my arms. Gabby was a slight 3 year old girl who lives at the orphanage with her sister, brother and her mother. Her mother fled to the orphanage from a bad situation and has found respite and safety within the orphanage compound. She now works providing care for the other orphans, cooking and cleaning all while being able to keep her children safe with her. Gabby was one of the lucky children we met.
After a brief meeting with the orphanage director, a few of our team members went to cook while others of us went to tour the orphanage and meet the children. Most of the children were at school but the littlest ones were flitting about; some laughing, some smiling and some not even willing to meet the eyes of the strangers coming to visit. Walking into one of the girls rooms, a little love was laying on the floor. She'd been sick with a fever and was isolated from the other children. But why if she was sick, was she laying on the floor? We'd find out the answer later; despite the ample amount of beds and cribs the littler children all slept on mats on the floor. Despite having rails safety was the given reason. After discussion with Pastor Ivo's wife, Mariolas, it seems that sleeping on a mat on the floor provides less work for the women there.
We met child after child. Recess started at the school and we made our way up to the playground. Orphans that live on the school grounds and children that live with their families both attend this school but it was easily to tell whom lived where. The children that lived with their families were wearing clean uniforms, their hair looked fresh and they were indifferent to the strangers in their midst. The orphans? Their uniforms were either ill-fitting or holey, their hair was mussed and they flocked to the members of our team knowing it meant extra attention, someone to play with and if they were lucky some sweets.
This is when I met Inez, Bersida, Katarina and Carlo... how I loved these little ones. There was no language barrier as they just wanted my attention. We took pictures together on my phone, played a really odd game of dodge ball and spent time coloring. There were also a lot hugs, hand holding and lap sitting. These young children were just starving for a human touch and to be loved. My heart just ached recognizing that while they had a place to sleep, food to eat and were getting an educated they were missing the most fundamental part of life; love.
Making our way back toward the orphanage I encountered little Maria. Two nights prior Pastor Ivo had told me the story of a mother-daughter combination living at the orphanage and one look from Pastor Ivo confirmed this was the little girl he had told me about. Maria and her mother Brenda have been living at the orphanage for all of Maria's life. For the first time in Brenda's life she feels safe and she's mothering Maria the best way she knows. But it's not enough. Brenda still needs a mother herself; she needs someone to love her, tell her how special she is and teach her about Jesus. And Maria, the little love who is described by the orphanage director as the girl who never smiles needs someone to ensure she has someone who loves her enough to make her smile.
All to quickly lunch was served, pinatas were broken and we began to hand out new clothes. Mari, our team leader, met a women who heads up Dresses for Orphans while she was at Summit this past May. They supplied us with 100 dresses and t-shirts to give to the orphans. The look of excitement on each child's face as they were handed a dress (or t-shirt for the boys) was priceless; to have a dress that was new, fit them and was all theirs seemed almost too good to be true. The fact that we had a shirt or dress in each child's side was a gift from God.
After clothes were handed out, it was time to go. Departure was delayed by long goodbyes, extra hugs and last words. Holding Maria one last time, kissing Brenda's forehead and telling her I loved her about broke my heart. The van was loaded, the gates opened, we waved goodbye and pulled away.
And my heart broke. Conversations started around me but I couldn't even grasp the topic as I tried to grasp the fact that we had to leave all of those little loves. I put my head against the seat to hide my tears as I silently cried out to God. How did we let this happen? Why is no one speaking up for these children? Where is the Church amidst this disaster? What can I do?
A gentle hand touched my shoulder and I knew it was Mari. Mari, my fellow high school alum, my sister in Christ and my friend who has a huge heart for the orphans. She too was feeling my paint.
I left part of my heart in that orphanage. With Maria and Brenda. With Bersida, Inez, Katarina, Carlo, Paul, Eduardo, Flora, Patrica. All of those orphans - they are unadoptable. I know because I inquired - if I had my way we'd be working out a plan to get these children into a home right now. Brenda would have a mom and Maria a grandma. But until they're ready to leave, the orphanage will be there home. And it's not really a home - it's just a place to live. A home is a place with a family to love you, to teach you and to always be there for you. A home is where you learn unconditional love, right from wrong and where you belong.
I was excited to visit an orphanage and I'm glad I did. Before I cared about the orphans, prayed for them, advocated for them and wanted to bring them home. But it's different now. Now the 160 million orphans in the world have faces, names.
And I can't forget them. Inez's smile and Brenda's untrusting expression swim through my mind throughout the day. Sometimes I can still feel Maria in my arms when she finally realized she was safe with me or see Katarina praying with Alex.
Each and every orphan is so much more than the sum of the orphan crisis. They're children, babies and young adults that simply need a family, someone to love them and give them a chance.
Now, I just need to figure out what exactly my part is in the orphan crisis. We can't adopt them all and adoption isn't the only answer to the problem. But these little ones, they deserve a solution to the orphan crisis as their future depends on it.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Collecting my thoughts
I really want to share about El Salvador. I assumed I'd do a day by day synopsis as this is not just a way to keep our family and friends informed about our life but also a journal of our family but I'm having trouble putting all of my experiences, thoughts and feelings into words.
Ann Voskamp said it best when she said "Who can expect to make sense of a loud world when they haven’t made quiet space before God?" So while I struggle to write about El Salvador, I'm finding it easiest to make the most sense of what God showed me, taught me and is working on in me when I'm spending time reading my Bible, praying and just being still... or not so still spending time with Gabe while thinking of the little loves I left behind in La Libretad.
Bear with me, I'll share soon; my first orphanage experience, sharing the gospel in a displaced community, hearing the word of God spoken in Spanish but truly feeling the Holy Spirit there.
Every bit of my experience was unbelievable. God is so good. He is doing some wonderfully awesome (massimo!) things in La Libretad and I was able to witness a few of them.
Ann Voskamp said it best when she said "Who can expect to make sense of a loud world when they haven’t made quiet space before God?" So while I struggle to write about El Salvador, I'm finding it easiest to make the most sense of what God showed me, taught me and is working on in me when I'm spending time reading my Bible, praying and just being still... or not so still spending time with Gabe while thinking of the little loves I left behind in La Libretad.
Bear with me, I'll share soon; my first orphanage experience, sharing the gospel in a displaced community, hearing the word of God spoken in Spanish but truly feeling the Holy Spirit there.
Every bit of my experience was unbelievable. God is so good. He is doing some wonderfully awesome (massimo!) things in La Libretad and I was able to witness a few of them.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Amazing!
El Salvador was absolutely amazing. We've been super busy since I returned and each spare minute is spent doing one of two things; spending time with Gabe or reflecting on my time in La Libretad. I can't wait to share what we did, what I saw and the thousands of emotions I felt during my week there. Suffice it to say, the people of El Salvador and La Grand Commission church rooted themselves deep in the recesses of my heart.
 |
| My view of El Salvador on Friday |
Saturday, July 14, 2012
El Salvador Here We Come!
Today I leave for El Salvador.
For the third time this week I will find myself at IAH but for the first time since I became a mother I will be going through security alone. I'll admit I'm a little nervous. I am a bit anxious to leave Gabriel.
But I am so excited. As I've been preparing myself to go on my first international missions trip, I've been reading my Bible and praying a little more than usual. As I looked up a different version of a verse I wasn't quite understanding I found this saying:
“God loves us the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way.” ~Leighton Ford
I am so grateful for that kind of love; a perfecting kind of love. The type of love that calls you out of your comfort zone, teaches you about loving other people and instructs you on how to be His hands and feet.
I can not wait!! To go. See. Learn. And love!
Any and all prayers would be appreciated. Especially for Gabe and that he's glad to see me when I get back [smile].
Monday, June 25, 2012
Lists
Life is crazy busy right now.
I have 5 "lists" right now and one of them has a sub-list. Yes, you read that correctly. I may be neurotic but at least I'm organized, right?
We leave for Ohio tomorrow and before we go two lists will be completely checked off, Gabe and I will have driven downtown for an appointment and then towards the other side of town for his physical therapy appointment. It seemed like a good idea when we changed the time of PT so that he could get in another session before vacation but now I'm thinking I was just a little off my rocker thinking we'd do both. Maybe, just maybe Houston won't be too horrible and I won't have to white knuckle drive all over town.
Speaking of driving; I am a huge multi-tasker. With a toddler, if I didn't multi-task we would
never eat a hot meal, have clean clothes and we'd most certainly live in a dirty house. After a meeting Matt had at work we have removed one area of multi-tasking; talking and driving. Now I didn't ever text and drive but talked and drove frequently. I mean when would I have an adult conversation if it wasn't when I was driving. But the distraction isn't worth it. I am transporting one of God's biggest blessings with me most of the time and we've decided it's just not worth it. And this not talking while we're driving thing... I think it's made me a better parent. I use that time to talk more to Gabe; we sing songs, he reads letters off of street signs and we just enjoy our time together in the car.
Speaking of cars, Matt was in a hit-and-run accident about a month ago. He wasn't hurt, just sideswiped on the feeder road of a major highway. Before the driver of other vehicle left the scene, Matt got his license plate number. Evidently the driver of the vehicle was not the owner of the vehicle AND has an arrest warrant out for himself. Another note of importance is that if you don't answer your insurance companies phone calls, they won't process the claim so you can get off scot free. Our faith now rests in the HPD; that with all of the homicides, trafficking and violence they have to sort through they will have time to track down the car, speak to the owner of the vehicle and find the driver and address our situation. This is one of the downfalls of living in a large metropolitan area :/
Continuing with the theme of being all over the place, I leave for El Salvador in 19 days. I'm excited, nervous, filled-with-anticipation, scared and a little worried. The worry solely involves leaving Gabe. He'll be in very capable hands, just not my hands. I've written copious amounts of notes for my mom, the freezer has some premade meals with more to come when we get back from Ohio.
I'll have 3 days between getting home from Ohio and leaving for El Salvador. I will need to shop, pack, do laundry, go to appointments, pick my mom up at the airport and then do the important stuff like take Gabe to the pool and splash pad, read 1000 books and play trains for 5 hours a day. Because in light of the craziness going on, those are the important things. Spending time with Gabe, laughing, cuddling and reading; making memories, not matter how big or small - those are the things that are most important.
And that ends the most hodgepodge blog post ever. If you read this far, you must really love me! Or be really bored [smile].
I have 5 "lists" right now and one of them has a sub-list. Yes, you read that correctly. I may be neurotic but at least I'm organized, right?
We leave for Ohio tomorrow and before we go two lists will be completely checked off, Gabe and I will have driven downtown for an appointment and then towards the other side of town for his physical therapy appointment. It seemed like a good idea when we changed the time of PT so that he could get in another session before vacation but now I'm thinking I was just a little off my rocker thinking we'd do both. Maybe, just maybe Houston won't be too horrible and I won't have to white knuckle drive all over town.
Speaking of driving; I am a huge multi-tasker. With a toddler, if I didn't multi-task we would
never eat a hot meal, have clean clothes and we'd most certainly live in a dirty house. After a meeting Matt had at work we have removed one area of multi-tasking; talking and driving. Now I didn't ever text and drive but talked and drove frequently. I mean when would I have an adult conversation if it wasn't when I was driving. But the distraction isn't worth it. I am transporting one of God's biggest blessings with me most of the time and we've decided it's just not worth it. And this not talking while we're driving thing... I think it's made me a better parent. I use that time to talk more to Gabe; we sing songs, he reads letters off of street signs and we just enjoy our time together in the car.
Speaking of cars, Matt was in a hit-and-run accident about a month ago. He wasn't hurt, just sideswiped on the feeder road of a major highway. Before the driver of other vehicle left the scene, Matt got his license plate number. Evidently the driver of the vehicle was not the owner of the vehicle AND has an arrest warrant out for himself. Another note of importance is that if you don't answer your insurance companies phone calls, they won't process the claim so you can get off scot free. Our faith now rests in the HPD; that with all of the homicides, trafficking and violence they have to sort through they will have time to track down the car, speak to the owner of the vehicle and find the driver and address our situation. This is one of the downfalls of living in a large metropolitan area :/
Continuing with the theme of being all over the place, I leave for El Salvador in 19 days. I'm excited, nervous, filled-with-anticipation, scared and a little worried. The worry solely involves leaving Gabe. He'll be in very capable hands, just not my hands. I've written copious amounts of notes for my mom, the freezer has some premade meals with more to come when we get back from Ohio.
I'll have 3 days between getting home from Ohio and leaving for El Salvador. I will need to shop, pack, do laundry, go to appointments, pick my mom up at the airport and then do the important stuff like take Gabe to the pool and splash pad, read 1000 books and play trains for 5 hours a day. Because in light of the craziness going on, those are the important things. Spending time with Gabe, laughing, cuddling and reading; making memories, not matter how big or small - those are the things that are most important.
And that ends the most hodgepodge blog post ever. If you read this far, you must really love me! Or be really bored [smile].
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Oh my!!
In one month I will be in El Salvador... I can't believe it!
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am going, that I have been blessed with such a wonderful opportunity to serve...
and that I'm going to have to leave Gabers 1100 miles away.
The closer July 14 gets the more excited I become and the more nauseated I get about being so far away from Gabe for so long.
This will be awesome. It will be okay. This will be awesome. It will be okay (repeat as needed).
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am going, that I have been blessed with such a wonderful opportunity to serve...
and that I'm going to have to leave Gabers 1100 miles away.
The closer July 14 gets the more excited I become and the more nauseated I get about being so far away from Gabe for so long.
This will be awesome. It will be okay. This will be awesome. It will be okay (repeat as needed).
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
El Salvador 2012
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
- Matthew 28:19-20
Matt and my mom will be on Gabe duty while I'm gone. It is such a blessing that my mom will come to Houston to watch Gabe while Matt works. When I think about leaving Gabriel for a week my palms get sweaty and my heart starts to palpitate. It makes me almost want to change my mind. Almost. But I know Gabe will be in great hands here and I am needed in El Salvador. Although I can't speak Spanish and know little of the culture, the doors God has opened so I'd be able to go is a definite sign that it's my turn to serve. The saying "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called" certainly applies
I can't wait to see how God uses me and changes me on this trip.
“To belong to Jesus is to embrace the nations with Him.” - John Piper
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)