From our family to yours we wish you a very merry and blessed Christmas.
"Today in the town of David
a Savior has been born to you:
he is Christ the Lord."
~ Luke 2:11
Love, Meredith, Matt & Gabe
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Hope
A year ago today I thought that all my hope was gone. We had a visit from a new caseworker; one who enlightened us on the fact that the program our initial caseworker told us about, the foster-adopt program, did not exist. And while we didn't appreciate the cold and abrupt approach she had, we did appreciate her honesty. We needed to know the truth.
But the pain that overcame me when she told us that unless we fostered first there was no chance we would ever have a child under the age of 3 was paralyzing. Utterly paralyzing. I remember sitting in our spare room (the one with the state required crib, toys and other infant necessities) rocking back and forth just trying to hold myself together. And failing miserably. After lots of tears and consoling by my always strong husband, I managed to get it together, but for the first time in my life, I felt hopeless.
Christmas last year was not something I enjoyed, but endured. Leaving Christmas Eve service early was necessary to my resolve to appear unbroken. It hurt so hard to see all of the families at service together, wondering when we would have a family of our own at church service. However, those reasons, the reasons I felt broken and hopeless had nothing to do with my relationship with the God but with the world. Like so many other times, I put my hope in the world, instead of in Him and on December 23, 2008 I lost that hope.
And somehow we made it through Christmas and into the new year. The new year led us to a renewed passion for a family. We met MCB and began a new adoption journey. Then we found AGCI and our hearts were pulled to adopt from Ethiopia. But it wasn't these new steps toward a family we'd taken that began to give me my hope back. It wasn't the family and friends that stood next to me to help me carry my burden or the encouragement they provided, although that helped.
What changed was I made the decision to no longer place some of my hope in the world. After reading Lamentations 3: 19-27:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall
I remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is god to wait patiently for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
and really listening to the Lord, I made the concious decison to put all of my hope in God. And placing that hope in Him made all the difference. I was able to pull myself up from my personal pit of despair, delve deep for patience and find peace in prayer. But it was still hard for me to be happy. Until the internet daily devotional I subscribe to sent me this:
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
After reading that I decided that while life wasn't where I thought it would be, it was where it was supposed to be and I would do a better job with hoping, patience and praying. Ask Matt, I am totally the prayerer of the family. Not that Matt doesn't pray but I pray all the time. And this Christmas while my hope has been restored and my own personal miracle is laying in my arms I'm going to continue to pray. I'm going to pray for the wonderful women in my life who are longing for a family, for all the couples battling infertility and families waiting for a referal through adoption.
And my advice for those who are waiting; whether you're waiting for a child, a spouse or just figuring out what's next. Take heart and hold Psalm 27:14 close to your heart. "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. "
After waiting and re-finding my hope, I realize this: All that I have, all that I'll ever have has nothing to do with me but with Him and His grace.
But the pain that overcame me when she told us that unless we fostered first there was no chance we would ever have a child under the age of 3 was paralyzing. Utterly paralyzing. I remember sitting in our spare room (the one with the state required crib, toys and other infant necessities) rocking back and forth just trying to hold myself together. And failing miserably. After lots of tears and consoling by my always strong husband, I managed to get it together, but for the first time in my life, I felt hopeless.
Christmas last year was not something I enjoyed, but endured. Leaving Christmas Eve service early was necessary to my resolve to appear unbroken. It hurt so hard to see all of the families at service together, wondering when we would have a family of our own at church service. However, those reasons, the reasons I felt broken and hopeless had nothing to do with my relationship with the God but with the world. Like so many other times, I put my hope in the world, instead of in Him and on December 23, 2008 I lost that hope.
And somehow we made it through Christmas and into the new year. The new year led us to a renewed passion for a family. We met MCB and began a new adoption journey. Then we found AGCI and our hearts were pulled to adopt from Ethiopia. But it wasn't these new steps toward a family we'd taken that began to give me my hope back. It wasn't the family and friends that stood next to me to help me carry my burden or the encouragement they provided, although that helped.
What changed was I made the decision to no longer place some of my hope in the world. After reading Lamentations 3: 19-27:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall
I remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is god to wait patiently for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
and really listening to the Lord, I made the concious decison to put all of my hope in God. And placing that hope in Him made all the difference. I was able to pull myself up from my personal pit of despair, delve deep for patience and find peace in prayer. But it was still hard for me to be happy. Until the internet daily devotional I subscribe to sent me this:
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
After reading that I decided that while life wasn't where I thought it would be, it was where it was supposed to be and I would do a better job with hoping, patience and praying. Ask Matt, I am totally the prayerer of the family. Not that Matt doesn't pray but I pray all the time. And this Christmas while my hope has been restored and my own personal miracle is laying in my arms I'm going to continue to pray. I'm going to pray for the wonderful women in my life who are longing for a family, for all the couples battling infertility and families waiting for a referal through adoption.
And my advice for those who are waiting; whether you're waiting for a child, a spouse or just figuring out what's next. Take heart and hold Psalm 27:14 close to your heart. "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. "
After waiting and re-finding my hope, I realize this: All that I have, all that I'll ever have has nothing to do with me but with Him and His grace.
A year ago I lost hope... but God knew better (Of course). And He knew that some 8 months later a little boy would be born and God had already chosen me as his mother. If only I'd known what was to come, I wouldn't have been so desolate. But I needed that desolation to teach me the proper place to store my hope.
Praying you and yours find HOPE this Christmas season.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Hijacked
Hi guys, it's me, Gabe! I always see my Mama typing or reading on the 'puter thing and figured I'd give it a try. According to my parents, today is a big day. Honestly, being this little everyday feels like a big day but they're older, bigger and maybe a little bit smarter (for now) so I'll just take their word for it.
Today I'm 4 months old, and from what little mathematical skills I have attained thus far, I know it means I've been alive for 1/3 of a year. And boy has it been a busy year. It may seem that alls I do is eat, sleep and cuddle but let me tell you, there are some really unrealistic expectations in this big ole world.
First, I'm supposed to drink this white, stinky stuff they call milk. Now, I've seen my Daddy's milk and while they look the same I do NOT think we're drinking the same stuff. And on top of that, they changed the 'milk' I was drinking and while this new 'soy milk' makes me a lot less scratchy and my poops more normal (uh-oh, Mama said that I'm not supposed to share things like that, something about too much information. Oh well, Daddy said its okay for boys to talk about poop) it smells even worse than the first stuff they fed me! Everyone always comments on how big I am and that I don't miss a meal, what they don't realize is I just drink it as fast as I can to get the torture over with. I can't wait to drink milk like Daddy... and eat chips. Daddy's chips always look so good.
Okay, I went off on a little tangent there, but back to all these unrealistic expectations. Number two is the fact that everyone kisses my cheeks. I know I'm super cute and my cheeks are too, but give me a break people, unless cannibalism is an eacceptable practice here - please stop eating my cheeks!
And my Mama and Daddy expect me to do this exercise called tummy time. I think I do a great job at it, but they always push for me to do it longer and longer. I wonder how they would do laying on their belly's with only my little arms to push them up. I do it because, well, I think this is just one of those arguements I'll let them win; just picking my battles. Helps them get some confidence in their parenting skills too.
One area I will NOT let them win... is sleep. How dare they expect me to sleep in my craddle all night long when they're sleeping in this big soft bed. And, to top it off, they expect me to sleep alone! I know, I know, you're probably as stunned as I am. So, after a few hours of sleep I usually wake up and get Mama. Sometimes, I try to get tricky, and give her something called 'false hope' and sleep in my crib for most of the night. But most of the time I get lonely and just want some company. She's wrapped so tightly around my little finger that it only takes a few whimpers and then she holds me. Mama says she doesn't want me to wake Daddy up cause he's gotta go work at the mill all day but I know better; she likes to cuddle too. And, if I can be completely honest, (but don't tell her) I like to take advantage of this whole wrapped-around-the-finger thing for as long as possible.
Another unrealistic expectation they have is for me to wear these pirate patches. I'm not sure what they're really called but Mama always calls me her little pirate when I wear them. Let me tell you why these pirate patches are so awful. First, they block my eye that sees real well and second they itch. I'm getting pretty smooth at taking them off, but alas, each time I take it off, they put a new one. And, while I can't tell time yet, I think they're making me wear them longer now. I'm not sure how, or when, but I'm gonna win this pirate patch battle.
Besides the afforementioned 'issues' I think life is going pretty well. Actually, I love life - I spend all day smiling, giggling and having fun. If I had to write a personal ad for myself, I think it'd say something like "Male, short and cute with a sweet, toothless smile. Lover of snuggling, the color lime, wrist rattles and riding in a sling. Enjoys reaching and grasping, kicking my legs, reading books. Dislkes 'milk,' sleep and pirate patches."
On more serious note...thanks for letting me talk to you and also, thanks for all the prayers! Mama always says that there is a whole world of people out 'there' (not sure where though) praying for me. She says it because of all these prayers and God that I continue to be the miracle that I am. Hence, the shirt I'm wearing in my 4 month picture. I'm not sure how or when, but one of these days I'm going to choose what Mama wears. She says I look cute, but sometimes I think she has just a little too much fun picking out what I wear.
Have a great Christmas. It's my first Christmas and from everything I've learned about Christmas... this is a BIG deal.
Hopefully I'll be able to talk to you guys again soon. If Mama will let me.... pick your battles Gabe, pick your battles.
Love, Mr. Cuteness Himself
Today I'm 4 months old, and from what little mathematical skills I have attained thus far, I know it means I've been alive for 1/3 of a year. And boy has it been a busy year. It may seem that alls I do is eat, sleep and cuddle but let me tell you, there are some really unrealistic expectations in this big ole world.
First, I'm supposed to drink this white, stinky stuff they call milk. Now, I've seen my Daddy's milk and while they look the same I do NOT think we're drinking the same stuff. And on top of that, they changed the 'milk' I was drinking and while this new 'soy milk' makes me a lot less scratchy and my poops more normal (uh-oh, Mama said that I'm not supposed to share things like that, something about too much information. Oh well, Daddy said its okay for boys to talk about poop) it smells even worse than the first stuff they fed me! Everyone always comments on how big I am and that I don't miss a meal, what they don't realize is I just drink it as fast as I can to get the torture over with. I can't wait to drink milk like Daddy... and eat chips. Daddy's chips always look so good.
Okay, I went off on a little tangent there, but back to all these unrealistic expectations. Number two is the fact that everyone kisses my cheeks. I know I'm super cute and my cheeks are too, but give me a break people, unless cannibalism is an eacceptable practice here - please stop eating my cheeks!
And my Mama and Daddy expect me to do this exercise called tummy time. I think I do a great job at it, but they always push for me to do it longer and longer. I wonder how they would do laying on their belly's with only my little arms to push them up. I do it because, well, I think this is just one of those arguements I'll let them win; just picking my battles. Helps them get some confidence in their parenting skills too.
One area I will NOT let them win... is sleep. How dare they expect me to sleep in my craddle all night long when they're sleeping in this big soft bed. And, to top it off, they expect me to sleep alone! I know, I know, you're probably as stunned as I am. So, after a few hours of sleep I usually wake up and get Mama. Sometimes, I try to get tricky, and give her something called 'false hope' and sleep in my crib for most of the night. But most of the time I get lonely and just want some company. She's wrapped so tightly around my little finger that it only takes a few whimpers and then she holds me. Mama says she doesn't want me to wake Daddy up cause he's gotta go work at the mill all day but I know better; she likes to cuddle too. And, if I can be completely honest, (but don't tell her) I like to take advantage of this whole wrapped-around-the-finger thing for as long as possible.
Another unrealistic expectation they have is for me to wear these pirate patches. I'm not sure what they're really called but Mama always calls me her little pirate when I wear them. Let me tell you why these pirate patches are so awful. First, they block my eye that sees real well and second they itch. I'm getting pretty smooth at taking them off, but alas, each time I take it off, they put a new one. And, while I can't tell time yet, I think they're making me wear them longer now. I'm not sure how, or when, but I'm gonna win this pirate patch battle.
Besides the afforementioned 'issues' I think life is going pretty well. Actually, I love life - I spend all day smiling, giggling and having fun. If I had to write a personal ad for myself, I think it'd say something like "Male, short and cute with a sweet, toothless smile. Lover of snuggling, the color lime, wrist rattles and riding in a sling. Enjoys reaching and grasping, kicking my legs, reading books. Dislkes 'milk,' sleep and pirate patches."
On more serious note...thanks for letting me talk to you and also, thanks for all the prayers! Mama always says that there is a whole world of people out 'there' (not sure where though) praying for me. She says it because of all these prayers and God that I continue to be the miracle that I am. Hence, the shirt I'm wearing in my 4 month picture. I'm not sure how or when, but one of these days I'm going to choose what Mama wears. She says I look cute, but sometimes I think she has just a little too much fun picking out what I wear.
Have a great Christmas. It's my first Christmas and from everything I've learned about Christmas... this is a BIG deal.
Hopefully I'll be able to talk to you guys again soon. If Mama will let me.... pick your battles Gabe, pick your battles.
Love, Mr. Cuteness Himself
All these pictures could wear a boy out!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Hippopotamuses , Traditions and Tom's
I love Christmas music. I love it so much that I can frequently be found listening to Christmas CD's in April or September. But not July, that's just way too cliche for me. And to further indulge my love of Christmas music, the best radio station in Northeast Ohio 95.5 the Fish plays Christmas music from Thanksgiving through Christmas day. And it may just be the best station because of the aforementioned Christmas music bonanza!
I love spiritual Christmas songs like Away In A Manger, Mary Did You Know and Silent Night and traditional songs like Deck the Halls, Jingle Bells and Rocking Around the Christmas Tree put me in a cheery Christmas mood. My favorite Christmas songs are by Third Day: Jesus, Light of the World and Christmas Like a Child. I absolutely LOVE both of these songs and recommend them to everyone. Especially if you have a heart for adoption you will love Christmas Like a Child. But with all of these wonderful songs there is one song that just brings my heart pure, unadulterated joy! And if you haven't heard it yet, well I won't even go there because I can not believe that everyone in the US has heard I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. And if you haven't heard it, are you living under a rock? Because this song is fabulous! Absolutely fabulous!
Alas, the only thing I don't like about the most fabulous song, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, is that it doesn't reflect anything about the real meaning of Christmas. And that is something I want to always be paramount for us, and of course for Gabriel.
To keep the real meaning of Christmas, along with the idea that after Jesus, being with family and friends is the best gift we could recieve this day we are trying to start/carry out family traditions with Gabe. Going to a tree farm and cutting down our tree is one of our traditions. Attending Eve service is also a tradition we hold dear to us. As well is the reading of the Christmas Story from the book of Luke Christmas morning before we do anything else.
And I'm so excited to carry these traditions on this year with Gabe, but Matt and I wanted to domore. More to keep the real meaning of Christmas alive to Gabriel. So this year, and for each year to come Gabe will get 3 gifts: something he needs, something he wants and a gift from the heart/a way to give back. There are many reasons for this but the main reasons are: a.) if 3 presents was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for us (Gabe) b.) the commercialism and consumerism of Christmas drive me nuts and by keeping Christmas simple we're keeping the real meaning closer to our hearts.
So while we're not 100% what we're getting Gabe for Christmas yet, please do not point out that Christmas is only 10 days a way, we thought we knew what his 3rd present was going to be. Deep in our hearts we know that one day Gabe will have a sibling from Ethiopia and Tom's Shoes gives back in Ethiopia. And then Tom's Shoes took their Tiny Tot's shoes off the internet and is relaunching them soon. I had hoped that they would be released before Christmas, but as Christmas is now only 10 days away, I'm wondering what to do. Do we find a different gift for Gabe? Or do we give him a Tom's shoes flag and order him shoes when they're released?
And I know that Gabe won't know that it's Christmas or care about opening gifts and eating yummy foods. Of course Gabe will love the Christmas music singing we'll do, he is the first person ever to smile when I sing, hehe! And of course he'll love visiting with family, the social baby that he has become, but I just want this Christmas to be special for him; it being his 1st and all and our 1st as a family of 3. And I know just having Gabe here to celebrate the birth of Jesus will make it remarkably special.
And now I'm looking for more (or different) traditions for us to do as a family. I think next year we'll bake cookies for the elderly in our neighborhood and deliver them. In the upcoming year, I'm going to dive into the Advent calander and old Advent traditions and see what we traditions we can bring into our family, traditions that keep Jesus and kindness to others at the forefront of our Christmas celebration.
So now I ask you, do you have any Christmas traditions that you and your family do? Something for the month of December, the advent season or even Christmas Eve or Christmas Day that you would like to share with our family. If all of the readers respond with a tradition or idea, well, we may have 5 new traditions to partake in next year :) Haha!
And, no post is complete without a picture of our baby Gabe:
I love spiritual Christmas songs like Away In A Manger, Mary Did You Know and Silent Night and traditional songs like Deck the Halls, Jingle Bells and Rocking Around the Christmas Tree put me in a cheery Christmas mood. My favorite Christmas songs are by Third Day: Jesus, Light of the World and Christmas Like a Child. I absolutely LOVE both of these songs and recommend them to everyone. Especially if you have a heart for adoption you will love Christmas Like a Child. But with all of these wonderful songs there is one song that just brings my heart pure, unadulterated joy! And if you haven't heard it yet, well I won't even go there because I can not believe that everyone in the US has heard I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. And if you haven't heard it, are you living under a rock? Because this song is fabulous! Absolutely fabulous!
Alas, the only thing I don't like about the most fabulous song, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, is that it doesn't reflect anything about the real meaning of Christmas. And that is something I want to always be paramount for us, and of course for Gabriel.
To keep the real meaning of Christmas, along with the idea that after Jesus, being with family and friends is the best gift we could recieve this day we are trying to start/carry out family traditions with Gabe. Going to a tree farm and cutting down our tree is one of our traditions. Attending Eve service is also a tradition we hold dear to us. As well is the reading of the Christmas Story from the book of Luke Christmas morning before we do anything else.
And I'm so excited to carry these traditions on this year with Gabe, but Matt and I wanted to domore. More to keep the real meaning of Christmas alive to Gabriel. So this year, and for each year to come Gabe will get 3 gifts: something he needs, something he wants and a gift from the heart/a way to give back. There are many reasons for this but the main reasons are: a.) if 3 presents was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for us (Gabe) b.) the commercialism and consumerism of Christmas drive me nuts and by keeping Christmas simple we're keeping the real meaning closer to our hearts.
So while we're not 100% what we're getting Gabe for Christmas yet, please do not point out that Christmas is only 10 days a way, we thought we knew what his 3rd present was going to be. Deep in our hearts we know that one day Gabe will have a sibling from Ethiopia and Tom's Shoes gives back in Ethiopia. And then Tom's Shoes took their Tiny Tot's shoes off the internet and is relaunching them soon. I had hoped that they would be released before Christmas, but as Christmas is now only 10 days away, I'm wondering what to do. Do we find a different gift for Gabe? Or do we give him a Tom's shoes flag and order him shoes when they're released?
And I know that Gabe won't know that it's Christmas or care about opening gifts and eating yummy foods. Of course Gabe will love the Christmas music singing we'll do, he is the first person ever to smile when I sing, hehe! And of course he'll love visiting with family, the social baby that he has become, but I just want this Christmas to be special for him; it being his 1st and all and our 1st as a family of 3. And I know just having Gabe here to celebrate the birth of Jesus will make it remarkably special.
And now I'm looking for more (or different) traditions for us to do as a family. I think next year we'll bake cookies for the elderly in our neighborhood and deliver them. In the upcoming year, I'm going to dive into the Advent calander and old Advent traditions and see what we traditions we can bring into our family, traditions that keep Jesus and kindness to others at the forefront of our Christmas celebration.
So now I ask you, do you have any Christmas traditions that you and your family do? Something for the month of December, the advent season or even Christmas Eve or Christmas Day that you would like to share with our family. If all of the readers respond with a tradition or idea, well, we may have 5 new traditions to partake in next year :) Haha!
And, no post is complete without a picture of our baby Gabe:
Peace & Love, Meredith
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