I hate making decisions. I would rather go to a restaurant I don't like or watch a movie I could care less about seeing then make a decision. But some decisions can't be made by anyone else and so I (or we) spent a lot of time praying, a little time talking and decided that we're going to keep our case at DCFS as adoptive parents only. Matt spoke to CW#3 today and she's going to let her boss know our decision and then I think that we'll be transfered (again), get another new caseworker (CW#4) and then start the waiting game with DCFS (again). While we are 100% sure of our decision I feel a little bit guilty. Guilty that we have a home waiting for a child and aren't open to any child, guilt that we're being choosy and guilt that I care more about my feelings than the welfare of a child. But we know that this is the right decision for us; that fostering will be in our future but is not right for us right now
We're also coming closer to playing the waiting game with our lawyer MCB. Wednesday we have our last official meeting with MCB and then we just have to finish our life book and we'll be ready to go. Prayerfully, we'll be able to have our life book ready soon and available to prospective birth mothers.
Along with deciding against fostering (for now) and reading the book Adoption; Choosing It, Living It, Loving It Matt and I are even more secure in the fact that our family is not going to look like your typical American family. God is leading us to adopt and love any child he puts in our path and that's what we are going to do. Regardless the race, when God puts a child on our path we are going to embrace him (or her), love him and cherrish the family God gave us. The family God gave us may end up looking more like a meeting of junior United Nations delegates but it's not skin color, culture or blood that makes up a family, it's love.
Love is what my family is made up of, mostly. I always loved my brothers but age and gender differences sometimes allienated our closeness. Growing up I could list my best friends in seconds and the names Matthew and Michael never came up, but I've found friendships don't always last, the love between siblings never ends. And while I was raised with only two brothers I now have 4 more "siblings" in my family. Matt has 3 younger brothers and when we were married, I suppose I inherited them too. It's fun being an older sister; we try to be helpful and I love to cook them dinner and send them home with leftovers. But moreover I would do anything I could to help them and I know they'd do the same. I never wanted a sister ( I loved being the only girl, total princess complex) but when Michael married Annie, she inherited me. And while we'll never have the relationship of sisters who grew up together, she is my sister in my heart, where it matters most.
And that's what I want us to give to our family, love. No matter our differences or lack of matching genetic make-up, the one true component of family is love.
Love & Prayers,