No more than a few minutes pass each day without me thinking of all those people who have lost everything they have in a blink of an eye. My heart breaks each time the news shows footage of children, many of them orphans, in pain, dirty and foraging on the ground for food or clothing.
And watching these news segments of this catastrophe not only causes me to feel grief for their loss and an intense desire to help, I also feel a bit guilty. I can't count the number of times I've needed something while every single one of my actual needs have been met. I can't believe the number of times I've thought I'd be happy if only I had __________ . Feel free to fill in the blank with anything frivolous and silly.
I'm ashamed to admit that so many times my happiness has been in relation to the number of material goods I've had in my possession. Thankfully, I am no longer like that. Occasionally, I'll feel the need for something, and think about how much I really need it. But very quickly, I remember, that a need and a want are not the same and that God will always provide for my needs. And even when I'm not sure how it is going to happen, it happens and never once have I, Matt or our family ever gone without.
Along with possessions, my happiness used to relate a lot to my circumstances. If life was going well and smooth, I was happy. A hiccup or two; happiness generally evaded me. The world of adoption has not only strengthened my bond to my faith and my husband, but also allowed me to be happy despite the circumstances. Our adoption journey, while relatively short and no where near ending, was filled with many mountains and valleys. Initially I was elated at each mountain top but floundered through each valley. Slowly though, I found reason to be happy despite my circumstances. Despite severe let downs I still had a loving husband and family, glorious friends, a house, a job and a firm belief in my faith.
And as I've found my way to happiness despite my circumstances, I can pretty much guarantee that if my whole house fell down around me, my loved ones were missing, dead or dying and I had no food, water or shelter I would not be meeting in the streets singing praise songs to God. But I should be. As I watch the news about Haiti I hear about the devastation, death and the mania rising as food and water arrive but are still scarce but I also hear about the miraculous recovery of an elderly woman 12 days after the quake and see men, women and children helping one another, loving one another and praising God for all that they have.
I want to be more like the Haitians... I want to praise God for everything, despite what is going on around me. I'm learning to be content. God is really working on me (or in me) to be content with what I have and with whatever circumstances He presents me with. I desire to be able to recite Philippians 4:11 and have it resonate truth through out. Just as Paul said in the Philippians, I'm getting closer and closer to being able to say "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
And while the devastation in Haiti breaks my heart, I have also learned from it. I've learned that my happiness relates not to the tangible but the intangible things in my life. Alas, I am learning to be content. Despite what I have or want, where I am or what's going on, I am learning to be content.
Gabe is the King of Contentment... as long as his bottom is dry, his belly is full and his Mama is close by - I relish that he's a Mama's boy right now and I'm determined to enjoy it while it lasts.
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