"And we know that God works for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" -Romans 8:28
Even when we can't see the reason, can't see beyond our own heartache and grief, we know that somehow God will work this out for the good.
Right now though, I'm clouded by pain; desperate to make sense of the madness the last few days have brought. But right now I'm just clinging to my faith...
because I can not see the good in this past the hurt in my heart.
I can't close my eyes and not see the sweet face of little A dancing behind my eyelids.
For reasons far beyond our scope of understanding things came up in regards to little A's files. Things AGCI didn't know and didn't know to tell use. More news cropped up in Adis today that led AGCI to make the painful decision to not be able to place little A.
We've lost our referral to little A.
Little A was only ours for a few days but he was ours.
He was loved.
He was cherrished.
His family found him.
And now we've lost him.
This is hard. Much harder than I could have ever imagined. Again, this is something we never imagined would happen.
Before getting off the phone with our caseworker she asked how I was feeling. I told her I didn't know. Sad, angry, confused, hurt, unbelieving.... I'm sure those feelings will come, mostly now though, I just feel numb. Like my brain has processed too much over the past few days and is using this numbness to protect itself for a little bit longer.
Our caseworker asked if I was okay.
Again, I told her I didn't know but then I told her these two things, two things I've repeated to myself at least 1000 times this afternoon:
God is good and the sun will come up tomorrow.
So tonight as I lay in bed and tomorrow as we continue to process this I will continue to repeat the two things I know with complete certainty.
God is good.
The sun will come up tomorrow.
We truly appreciate your prayers during this time. Prayers for us and prayers for little A - that the family God has planned for him finds him and finds him quickly.