Not Broken

Today did not go as we had planned. We were ready for the interview and the interview itself went wonderfully. The bm may have been 15 years old but she was wise beyond her years. Even though she didn't choose us, she will continue to be in our prayers. Our lawyer said that they (bm and her mom) were a little uneasy about how young we were so that set us back a little bit. But the kicker was that one of the other couples they interviewed was the eye doctor to the bm's mom. So we were too young and the other couple had a link to them and the income of a doctor.

I would be lying if I said we are okay. I'm terribly sad, Matt's equally as sad and my heart hurts. I'm left wondering if our young age will continue to be a deterrent until we're older. But unlike the devestating news of December, today we are heartbroken but not broken. We will take our time to be sad and then we will use this experience to grow from and like every other experience we pray that it will draw us closer to God. Our journey for a family will continue on and we will continue to have faith: "For we walk by faith, not sight", 2 Corinthians 5:7.

I knew I was in deep when I ordered fabric samples for the nursery in our new house, but until we weren't chosen I didn't know how deep in love with this baby that I had never seen, heard a heart beat or felt a kick I actually was. And I'd like to think that one thing I'd learn from this experience is to guard my heart a little more next time. But if I'm realistic, I don't think I have that capability - when I love, I give it everything I have. Sort of like a catch-22: love and get hurt, try not to love and fail miserably.

But we will learn from this: Matt and I will continue to grow closer to one another and closer to God. 1 Peter 5:7 tells me "Cast all you cares on Him, because He cares for you," and tonight as I lay in bed that's exactly what I plan to do.

Will you join us as we try to follow God and live out Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Matt and I will rejoice in the hope we have in Him, continue to be patient while He directs our path and continue to pray for His will. We are heartbroken, but we are NOT broken.

Love & Blessings, Meredith