Unspeakable

*****UPDATED*****

A visitation and memorial will be held for Jim on Sunday January 2, 2011 from 1:00 - 3:00 at the Bauer Funeral Home in Valley City Ohio
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Yesterday our family suffered an unspeakable loss. It's unbearable to even have to write this, but by writing this I'm honoring a loving father and all the while processing some of my pain. Sometime in the early morning, Matt's father passed away. While we don't know the reasons why yet; the reasons matter little to the pain felt by all that knew, loved and cared for Jim. The suddenness of the situation, the questions why coupled with the Christmas season has made the pain for Matt and his brothers almost unspeakable.

Knowing Jim had a relationship with Jesus lessens my pain but my heart is utterly broken as I process the loss Matt and his brothers are going through. While I loved Jim; my pain is nothing compared to Matt's; Matt who is the oldest son and now doing another unspeakable act. At just 28, he's planning the funeral of his 52 year old father. It just seems so unfair. Matt's inner strength is phenomenal and I truly think that it's only the prayers surrounding him and his faith that are holding him up.

My heart also breaks when I think that Gabriel isn't going to know his Gramps. Sure, he'll here stories from his dad and uncles but that's not the same as knowing someone; not the same as having your own memories of the person. It's unspeakable to think of all those memories stolen from Gabe and his grandpa.

Somehow though, time moves forward. Christmas Eve turned to Christmas Day and while I laid awake early this morning praying for Matt and his brothers, a song we sing at church popped into my head and has been going through my mind all day:

Joy unspeakable that won't go away

With just enough strength

To live for day

So I never have to worry

What tomorrow will bring

Cause my faith is on solid rock

I'm counting on God

And through the pain of losing Matt's dad we can find joy; knowing that Jim is now with Jesus and knowing that the same Jesus that Jim is now with, is here with us too.

Unspeakable. That's it.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23

Gabe meeting Gramps for the first time.