Thursday, May 6, 2010

Was it just last year?

Last year I skipped Mother's Day. And it stunk. And it didn't just stink for me, it stunk for my Mom too. And believe me, I have a fabulous mom so to skip Mother's Day was not an easy, or quick decision I made. But I knew, emotionally I would not be able to handle another Mother's Day without being a mom.

So last Mother's Day, Matt and I went to church where I gave my Mom a hug but couldn't utter those 3 words that I knew would break my heart and then taught Sunday School where I let Matt and Tiffany (the other girl that helps us - she's the best) work the door so I could avoid all of the mothers picking up their children. And then Matt and I went home, ate and had just an ordinary Sunday. And that's what I needed; it was cathartic yet selfish. Because more than any other day, even her birthday, my mom loves Mother's Day. Because she loves being a mother. And she is such a great mother. Unselfish, devoted, kind and loving; a wonderful, devoted to God type of Mom. The type of mom I hope to be, just with a lot more babies:)

Last year I never would have believed that I would be the mama of a beautiful 8 month old baby boy. I hoped but didn't believe it. But the other fabulous mother in my life did. At my nephew Jacob's birthday party which occurred the day before Mother's Day my sister-in-law (but, really I mean sister) gave me my first Mothers Day gift. An angel that came with the saying "May you find strength, peace and beauty every day." It was beautiful, sweet and made me cry, of course! But what meant more to me than the gift was what Annie said, that she believed this would be my last Mothers Day without a baby. And I wanted to believe her and I hoped she was right, but for the sake of my heart, I couldn't fully believe. But on nights when I was sad, days that I felt hopeless or mornings I awoke empty I clung to her words, her belief that soon I would be a mother.

And I am! Sometimes I still can't believe how God has blessed my life and answered the desire of my heart by giving us Gabe. Even though I'd like a few uninterrupted hours of sleep or a shower that doesn't include popping my head out to talk to Gabe, I wouldn't change a thing. If our journey has taught me anything (and believe me, it's taught me more than I could ever share) it has taught me to cherish every moment. Sleepless nights and cold showers, sweet baby smells and accessories, smiles and coos, dirty diapers and peed on mama, furniture, clothes.... all of it, everything - I love it and wouldn't trade for anything.

I am so blessed and I know it. And maybe that's why my heart is feeling a little heavy tonight. Because I am blessed and know so many couples that are still waiting. I know what it feels like to see a pregnant belly, a newborn baby or a disheveled new mom and wish that was me. So this year, as I celebrate the wonderful life of motherhood I am not going to forget my sisters and brothers that are still traveling this journey, still waiting for their blessing. I'm going to pray that God comforts them and blesses them soon with the desires of their heart. And that while they're waiting; the people in their life remember them on days like this, just like my sister Annie remembered me last year.

Would you join me in praying for all of the people waiting for their family? Whatever path they take on this journey; adoption, fertility treatments or just waiting and trying that they find peace and comfort. And believe me, even if you don't know who they are, you know someone who's waiting.

Prayers are powerful. "Confess to one another therefore your faults and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The earnest prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available." James 5:16

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