Tomorrow

Tomorrow we'll be heading to the Cleveland Clinic for Gabe's eye surgery. 

His 3rd eye surgery. 

 And I know in the grand scheme of things it's just eye surgery. 

But it's surgery on my baby. 

I know Dr. R will work his magic and the surgery will go well.

It's after the surgery that I'm most worried about. 

Gabe has some trouble waking up from the anesthesia. 

Not waking up per se but the in between part of sleeping and waking up.

Poor little one gets stuck in that little phase and gets terrified.

If you'd be inclined, please join us in praying for Gabe.

For the surgery.  His safety.  And his security. 

Thank you, dear ones.

Gabe at his  pre-op physical. 

El Salvador Here We Come!

Today I leave for El Salvador. 

For the third time this week I will find myself at IAH but for the first time since I became a mother I will be going through security alone.  I'll admit I'm a little nervous.  I am a bit anxious to leave Gabriel. 

But I am so excited.  As I've been preparing myself to go on my first international missions trip, I've been reading my Bible and praying a little more than usual.  As I looked up a different version of a verse I wasn't quite understanding I found this saying:

“God loves us the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way.” ~Leighton Ford

I am so grateful for that kind of love; a perfecting kind of love.  The type of love that calls you out of your comfort zone, teaches you about loving other people and instructs you on how to be His hands and feet. 

I can not wait!!  To go.  See. Learn. And love! 

Any and all prayers would be appreciated.  Especially for Gabe and that he's glad to see me when I get back [smile].

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Yesterday Gabe had an eye appointment at the Cleveland Clinic.

Today we are flying back to Houston. 

Tomorrow we are starting a new therapy treatment for Gabriel. We are hoping and praying that this will be the catalyst he needs to begin to walk independantly.  Tomorrow will be pretty intense for Gabe and then next week he'll start a series of casting to help his range of motion in his ankles. 

If you have a moment, would you pray for Gabe?  Please pray that this new treatment would provide good results and that his sweet spirit isn't dampered by his doctor's visit tomorrow or the casts he will be wearing for the next 3 - 8 weeks.  He's such a fighter and so fiesty... I never want that to change!

Thanks friends!

Gabe and his 'cheese' smile. So sweet.

Unjust

Today we celebrated Gabe's birthday with a blueberry waffle breakfast, a swim at the pool, dinner at Olive Garden and Sonic before bed! It was a wonderful day filled with lots of Happy Birthday Gabe singing (even the servers from Olive Garden sang to our boy!), smiles and love.

blueberry waffle, strawberries, milk and a Harry Potter birthday balloon.

Before the pool! For obvious safety reasons I didn't take any pictures of us in the pool.

Italian is one of Gabe's favorite foods - Olive Garden for dinner it is! It was way too hot to cook in Texas today :)

Unfortunately thousands of miles away there weren't any blueberry waffles, balloons or love. There was just a 10 pound 11 year old (yes, you read that right) who desperately needs a chance. A chance at love, a chance with a family and a chance to be all that God intends her to be.

Please click here, read about Liliana and then see if you can help. Can't help? Pray! Pray for her safety, pray for her life and pray that her future family rescues her before it's too late. Be prepared; the pictures of a 10 pound 11 year old our disturbingly sad...

All because of a down syndrome diagnosis her life was deemed to be unworthy of medical care, food and love. And all because of the Internet, we may be able to help raise her ransom and get her home.

Just 2 things

This is going to be short and sweet. Really, it is! Gabe doesn't believe me either.

First, Leah from Methodist Mission Home came out on Wednesday morning to finish our new homestudy. She thinks that she'll have it done today! Leah is just that fabulous and knows how frustrated we have been with all the miscommunications; she is definately the silver lining in all these hiccups. AGCI will have our new homestudy in their hands by early next week. After they approve it, they'll mail us a copy and we'll mail back all of our dossier paperwork back to them.

The only thing we're waiting on for our dossier is our Texas background check. I'm not sure what they have to check seeing we've only lived here for 2 months. Hopefully that will be back soon!

Once our homestudy is returned we can also reapply for our USCIS fingerprinting appointment. This is taking so much longer than anticipated but little by little we're getting closer.

Second; if we're friends on facebook you may have already seen this but if not, here we go. There is a sweet, brave, strong, courageous little boy only a few months older than our Gabe who needs a miracle from God. Whether his miracle comes in the form of healing on earth or complete healing in heaven, all I know is he needs our prayers. So does his mom. As I read her blog my heart just aches in a way I never imagined it could; holding her baby boy and knowing there's little she can do to comfort him. Seeing Trip, reading Courtney's words... makes me hold Gabe a little tighter, a little longer and with a little more fervor.

Please join me in praying for Trip, Courtney and their family.

And whatever you ask for in prayer,

having faith and [really] believe, you will recieve.

-Matthew 21:22

Lots of Stuff

Do you know Adeye? If you do, then I'm sure you've been blessed by her sweet spirit like me, but if you don't, then you are missing out! Right now Adeye has a HUGE (and yes the bold faced italics are necessary) fundraiser/giveaway going on until tomorrow! (Yes, I'm a little behind on blogging... but this is important so please keep reading.)

Imagine yourself half a world away living in an orphanage. Every day people come and take children away, take them to a place called home. And more than anything that's your wish... to have a Mom and Dad, a family... a home. But you keep getting passed by, and years go by and now you're no longer the cute little baby or toddler most people want but a young boy. A boy who knows that your days at the baby home are numbered and soon you'll be unadoptable. You'll be transferred to a mental institution where you will spend the rest of your life. The rest of you life alone, without a family, without hope.

That's the fate that awaits sweet Vanya. He has a dream for a family, for a home, for hope. And Adeye has made it her mission to help him find his way home. And families have shown interest in him and now we just need to pray that the Lord directs the right family to him. And quickly, as Vanya's days are truly numbered. Besides prayers for Vanya, you can help in a more tangible way.

As I've said adopting is expensive. It's a disturbing, disgusting but necessary fact that capable people feel unqualified to adopt because of the expense. The ransom.

Vanya needs a family now and to help his family get him home as quick as possible without worrying about the financial hurdles (and believe me, there are lots of financial hurdles when adopting) Adeye started a giveaway to provide relief. Click here, donate any amount and be entered to win one of many gifts. Any amount you can give would be appreciated and such a blessing.

**Even if the paypal says it's reached 100%, you can continue to donate as Adeye picked $15,000 for the goal, the actual adoption will be more**

Speaking of blessings, remember when I posted about the changes Ethiopia was integrating into their international adoption policies? And I mentioned that we I wondered if God had actually called us to adopt from Ethiopia or did human desire do that. Well shortly after that I typed that out we received an email from AGCI. An email about an anonymous donation to us made directly to AGCI. Not only was the donation a fabulous blessing for our adoption fund but also a wonderful confirmation of God's will for our lives.

And while we will never be able to thank you personally, we want to say thank you. We are grateful and humbled by your donation. Thank you for your support in bringing our little one home.

Speaking of fundraisers....

• We'll be having a garage sale June 24 & 25. If you live in the area and have anything you'd like to donate, we'll take it! The only stuff we don't want is clothes. We didn't sell much of that last year, and it was so hard to organize that my OCD was in over drive and I went a bit crazy trying to organize it [smile]. And even though I said we'd never have another garage sale; it was a good fundraiser, helped us live a little more minimalistic and spread the word of adoption.


• We're also trying to plan a fundraiser dinner/silent auction. If you have any suggestions (i.e. locations, how to solicit for donations) please feel free to share them.


• Lastly, Ordinary Hero has $1,000 of grant money to give out this weekend. The top 3 sellers from yesterday morning to Sunday night will get there share of the pot. So if you've been planning on buying a t-shirt, now's the time! These shirts are a great way to raise awareness for orphans and they're comfy. Matt and I love ours! So does Gabe! Not only do we get 40% of the proceeds; the remaining proceeds go to projects Ordinary Hero supports! So buy now (if you'd like!), Mother's Day is coming, stock up for Christmas.... you get the picture!

Earlier this week I was contacted by someone with an awesome opportunity. I am super excited about it and although Matt and I haven't really had the chance to really talk about it.... it's one of those times where I could just feel God's work at hand. It is going to be amazing... if everything falls into place. More on that later, I'm sure.

And a few more pictures of Gabe at therapy. Miss Jessie used the net swing as a distraction to cheer him up (he was a bit grumpy yesterday) and then worked him on his belly to encourage him to weight-bare and move on his left arm.

Quick Note

Today Ordinary Hero is offering an incentive! The first fundraising family to raise $100 in commissions will receive a matching grant from OH for $100! So that's $200 for an adoption fund! Do you think we can do it? Have you been wanting to buy and just can't decide which shirt? Well buy today and we receive an 'extra bonus' if we're the first family to $100 in commissions! I myself am trying to figure out how to convince Matt that we can buy some early Christmas presents and I'd like a shirt too of course [SMILE].

***don't forget to choose us as the affiliate the proceeds go too***

In other news, we're getting closer to our March Madness goal, so if you're jonesing for some good coffee check out our Just Love Coffee shop. Enjoy some yummy coffee whilst helping us raise the ransom to bring our sweet little one home; the one whom only God knows his face but we already love dearly. Yes, it is totally possible to love someone you don't know, who may not be part of this world yet.


And please, please, PLEASE, keep praying for Kirill.

BIG and little

There are so many fights going on in the world at this very moment. Big ones, little ones, personal ones, public ones. Some fights we'll win, some fights we'll lose and some fights we will never understand this side of heaven.

Right now I have a remarkable friend going through a very private fight; a fight many people won't have understand, less will have to endure and one I pray you never go through alone. She is not alone.

On the other side of the world there is a little boy in the middle of a fight. And I'll quote my bloggy friend Adeye when I say "This is not a war against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and the forces of evil that try to hold orphans captive." The little boy is Kirill and he has a family that is longing for him to be home in their arms. For Kirill though, a sweet little boy with a 3rd 21st chromosome, he may never make it home to be with the Mommy and Daddy that long to love on him. Love on him I say because they already love him, he is already their son.

And he may not ever make it to his forever family because a judge on the other side of the world believes a child with down syndrome belongs in an institution rather than a home. You and I know that this is horrifying, no child deserves to spend their life unloved in an institution when they can be loved in a home.

Reading the Davis' blog, you'll see that the judge changing her mind during their appeal sounds unlikely.

But unlikely things happen everyday because we serve a very unlikely God. God can make the impossible possible and the difficult seem easy. And while we might not always understand His will or His ways, we do know God hears our prayers.

Please pray for Kirill. Storm the gates of heaven with us as we pray that God, the God who made the heavens and the earth, who parted the Red Sea and rescued Daniel from the lions will have His will done. That the battle that rages between good and evil, the battle that keeps orphans imprisoned and families unable to make the ransom to bring their little loves home is won by God. That sweet little Kirill finds his way home to his mama and daddy, Tesney and Greg. Pray for Tesney and Greg; that while they may not understand God's ways, they continue to trust in Him.

This is not just one of the BIG fights, it's a war. A war against the evil in the world, for Kirill and all the orphans waiting to be rescued. Please join us in praying.

Pray, Act and Fear

This is a long one! Please read it though.

Tonight as Gabe was sleeping in his father's arms I knew the only place I would feel comfort was in my father's arms as well. So while they laid in the recliner I sat on the couch and prayed.

By now many of you have heard that Ethiopia is changing their inter-country adoption regulations. The Joint Council released a statment late yesterday in regards to it.

Statement on the Pending Reduction of Intercountry Adoption in Ethiopia (copy and pasted from my email)

Last week the Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s, Children’s and Youth Affairs announced their intention to reduce intercountry adoptions by 90% beginning March 10, 2011. The Ministry’s plan for a dramatic reduction is apparently based on two primary issues; 1) the assumption that corruption in intercountry adoption is systemic and rampant and 2) the Ministry’s resources should be focused on the children for whom intercountry adoption is not an option. Without further announcements by the Government of Ethiopia, it is our understanding that the Ministry’s plan will be initiated this week.

The Ministry’s plan is a tragic, unnecessary and disproportionate reaction to concerns of isolated abuses in the adoption process and fails to reflect the overwhelmingly positive, ethical and legal services provided to children and families through intercountry adoption. Rather than eliminate the right of Ethiopian children to a permanent family, we encourage the Ministry to accept the partnerships offered by governments, NGOs, and foundations. Such partnerships could increase the Ministry’s capacity to regulate service providers and further ensure ethical adoptions.

The Ministry’s plan, which calls for the processing of only five adoption cases per work day, will result not only in systemic and lasting damage to a large sector of social services, but will have an immediate impact on the lives and futures of children. Moving from over 4,000 adoptions per year to less than 500 will result in thousands of children languishing in under-regulated and poorly resourced institutions for years. For those children who are currently institutionalized and legally available for adoption, the Ministry’s plan will increase their time languishing in institutions for up to 7-years.

Joint Council respectfully urges the Ministry of Women’s, Children’s and Youth Affairs to reconsider their plan and to partner with governments, NGOs and foundations to achieve their goals and avoid the coming tragedy for children and families.

There are many things you can do. The JCICS released today a Call to Action (again I copied and pasted from their post)

March 8, 2011

Joint Council: Emergency Campaign for Ethiopian Children

What You Can Do:

1) Sign the petition to the Prime Minister of Ethiopia, Meles Zenawi – and pass it on!

2) Have you adopted from Ethiopia? Please send us up to 3 photos and 50 words or less with what you would like the Ministry to know about your child – we’ll compile the information and send a book to the Ministry of Woman’s Affairs. Send your photos and stories to advocate@jointcouncil.org by Sunday, March 12, 2011 to be included. Please note that sending photos and stories gives Joint Council unrestricted right to use the information you provide.

3) Share…Please send this Call to Action to family members, other adoptive parents, and everyone you know! Post, forward and share your adoption stories via Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. Make sure you include us in your posts so we can all hear your stories! Here’s links to our pages: Facebook, Twitter and our our blog.

4) Stay informed: Get up-to-date information regarding the situation in Ethiopia by signing up to receive information from us: click here to do so, make sure you choose “country and issues specific information” and “Ethiopia.” And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and our our blog.

5) Help ensure our advocacy can continue: Joint Council is a non-profit and receives no government funding. Please join us in ensuring more children live in safe, permanent and loving families. Donate today!

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And if you made it this far, you deserve a reward!

While my last post was about rejoicing in the Lord always, I'm finding my rejoicing tained with fear today. Fear that our child will be waiting longer for us than already necessary, fear for the little hearts in Ethiopia that have yet to know the love of a family, fear that we will have to change our adoption plans and see where else the Lord is leading us and fear that maybe we heard the Lord wrong. Was it our sinful, human nature that led us to Ethiopia and did we not hear God correctly? I truly feel that this is where God has led us, so while I'm afraid I know that I have nothing to fear.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Friday is almost here

Last night I had a couple moments of desperation when I realized that after Friday Gabriel is going to look different. For the first time in his 15 months, 2 weeks of life when we look at him, we'll see both of his beautiful eyes.

A few months back I wrote that Gabe's eye doctor ordered surgery to correct the ptosis (weak eyelid) of his right eye. After months of insurance wrangling and Cole Eye Institute telephone stalking everything is finally in order and Gabe's surgery is scheduled for this coming Friday.

Last night I had a couple moments of desperation when I realized that after Friday Gabriel is not going to look like Gabriel anymore. Sure, almost everything is going to be the same but he's going to look different. For the first time in his 15 month, 2 week life he will be able to see out of both eyes. For the first time, Gabe will be able to see out of both the eyes the Lord gifted him with.

And vision is a gift from God. And as Gabe's parents it is our job to ensure he uses all the gifts God blessed him with so Friday morning we'll head back downtown so that Gabe has every opportunity to see, clearly and with both his eyes.

Of course we would appreciate your prayers as any type of surgery comes with risk.

A few pictures of our little bookworm.

We had to do a little rearranging to make room for our Christmas tree and after moving the bookcase where Gabe's books were, we decided to make them more accessible by placing them on the shelf closest to the ground. And now Gabe can be found pulling books out, piling them up and perusing through them at his leisure.

No Knots

I just read this poem on an adoption blog that I've been following for a few weeks. It's located in their sidebar and for some reason I didn't see it until just now. And I think I didn't see it because I needed to see it today. And for some reason, I think that there is someone else that needs to read it too.

No Knots

Dear God,

Please untie the knots that are in

my mind, my heart and mylife.

Remove the have nots, the can

nots and the do nothat that I have

in my mind.

Erase the will nots, may nots,

and might nots that may find a home

in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots and should nots that

obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my

mind, my heart and my life all of

the 'am nots' that I have allowed

to hold me back.

especially the thought that I am

not good enough.

Amen.

Author Unknown.

Love & Blessings!

Beans and Rice and an Eye Update!

Eye Update: Insurance did not deny Gabriel's surgery (yet?) but did request pictures of his eye to help them make their decision. So downtown we went yet again to have Gabe's pictures taken. He didn't like it too much and I didn't like him not like it... but we made it through and hopefully now we're one step closer to getting Gabriel's eye lid fixed and his vision saved!

And now for the other part of the post:

For the month of September the LaGorga household (sans Gabe**) will be eating A LOT of this:

A year ago I read about the Rice and Beans challenge on the blog Building the Blocks and wanted to do it! It took a little convincing of Aaron and then emptying our freezer/refrigerator before we were able to do it but now we are!

Why are we doing this? Most children in third world countries feel blessed to have one warm meal of beans and rice daily and as beans and rice are a staple food of the orphanage we're adopting from we thought that this would be a good 'experience' for us to have. I call it an experience, because at the end of the 30 days of September we'll go back to having lasagna, chicken pot pie, pot roast and whatever else we please for dinner. But hopefully we'll always remember the tedium of eating the same thing for dinner night after night.

Why beans and rice? Well we're eating it because that's the typical diet of an orphan in Ethiopia and they eat it because 1.) it's inexpensive, 2.) beans are really good for you and 3.) rice is very filling. So you get a healthy, tummy-filling meal for a low price.

Focusing on the inexpensive aspect: we are going to use the money saved from our grocery budget to put in our adoption fund. Our dinner prices for the month of September will be exponentially lower and the money saved will move us a little bit closer to bringing our family home.

We'll see how it goes. We may have it, we may love it, we will get sick of it quickly but we will do it. Sacrificing something so little to gain something as great as another family member isn't really a sacrifice at all.

Will you pray that we remember why we're eating beans and rice for dinner and pray that God uses this experience to continue to change us?

**While Gabriel will be eating beans and rice for dinner with his Mama and Daddy we will also be giving him his usual fruits/veggies/protein that he eats at every meal. Why? Well we don't want him to stop liking the fruits and vegetables we serve him every meal and by feeding Gabriel his usual food while we eat beans and rice will hopefully further impress on us the fact that are little one(s) across the ocean are surviving on something so little/plain/pitiful while Gabe continues to grow and thrive on everything we're able to provide for him.

The Verdict is in

But before you hear (ie read) the verdict, here are some pictures for your visual enjoyment of Gabriel at the park:)

Cute Gaby feet

And the verdict says: it's time to fix Gabriel's eye lid.


This decision of course comes with mixed emotions.

• We're happy that Gabe was able to wait until after he was 1 to have this surgery.
• We're sad that he has to have another eye surgery. 2 surgery's in less than 6 months for such a little boy seems like too much but we know there are others who have had it much harder.
• We're grateful for a doctor and hospital that always help us make the best decision possible for our little boy. I once asked Dr. R what he would do if it was his son and every time we've met with him since I feel like he's still answering along those lines
• We're scared that he'll be scared again after surgery like he was last time.
• We're relieved that we're moving forward before Gabe's vision is more affected.
• We're nervous that this could possibly be a series of surgeries for Gabriel.

Along with all of those feelings comes the fact that his surgery isn't scheduled yet because insurance considers this a 'non-necessary surgery.' If you can properly explain to me how a surgery that is going to help preserve Gabriel's eye sight is 'non-necessary' please do. If I laugh in your face as you try to explain how my sons eye sight isn't necessary, don't be offended.

I mean, come on!! Surgery to ensure Gabe can see is NOT necessary. Give me a break!

Thankfully we have been approved for secondary insurance through the Bureau of Children with Medical Handicaps, so Gabe's surgery should be covered regardless. What a blessing BCMH has become to us!

So I suppose I should end this post by asking for your prayers; that Gabriel's surgery will go well, his recovery quick and his vision saved.

Hugs to you - from us and Gabe!

Find Your Wings

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold

So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth

And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things

I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way

May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things

I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly!

Gabriel Matthew,

Everyday you remind us that God is still preforming miracles in our midst. We love you more than we ever knew possible and are constantly amazed at your love of life and perseverance through your struggles. Although you don't know you're struggling, the world does and you continue to prove them wrong each and every day. You are the smile in our hearts, the lyrics to our life's song and the beat of our hearts. We love you, little man!

Love, Mama and Daddy

PT, OT and his splint

Everyone has heard of me refer to Gabe as a miracle and along with being a miracle he is a determined and hardworking little boy. Due to his schizencephaly Gabe has torticollis (high tone) on his left side as well as an overall gross motor delay (but remember, with Gabe's right-sided closed lipped schizencephaly he 'should' be paralyzed on his left side). So in December, Gabe was evaluated by a physical therapist and referred for weekly treatment. This began our weekly trek to the Cleveland Clinic Children's Rehab and our daily regimen of stretches and exercises.

Slowly Gabe became less stiff and more mobile on his left side. However, while his leg was catching up quickly to his right leg, his left arm and hand were not doing as well. And because of this we began to see Miss Danielle an occupational therapist as well as Mrs. KC his physical therapist.

Little by little, Gabe continues to improve. Stretching, reaching, practicing rolling over, sitting up and standing are now just regular parts of Gabe's daily routine. And he is a trooper; he lets me stretch his chubby little leg and cute long arm all day long. Gabe gets fiesty when we do excersices that force him to use his left hand but we love his fiestness! And just this past week Gabe sat virtually unassisted (mama helped him with his posture a couple of times) for 20 minutes playing with a wagon full of blocks.

Besides all of the physical work, about a month ago Gabe has another 'activity' to do, only this one he does in his sleep. Every night before bed I put a splint on Gabe's left hand to force his fingers to stretch. Again, something most would find terribly uncomfortable, Gabe just rolls with it! It took Miss Danielle two tries to make the straps small and tight enough for his little fingers and me about a half-dozen different tries to get his fingers in exactly the right spot so that he's unable to wriggle his fingers out during the night.

Gabe's splint:

It's totally fool-proof!

Sleeping Gabe in his splint

Close-up of Gabe's left hand!

And each day we notice Gabe keeps his hand open more, his fingers are less stiff and he's now able to hold and more importantly for his enjoyment, shake toys in his left hand!

Gabe does a great job stretching and excersing everyday. I think the definite plus to the situation is that most of his 'work' seems like play! And while Gabe does a phenomenal job at home working he's a bit of a stinker at therapy. He cries off and on each time for me, and while it breaks my heart to let him cry, I know that therapy is extremely important for him and I must let him work through it. And his therapists are so wonderful and take such good care of Gabe. Gabe is certainly in good hands.

And while Gabe keeps working hard to reach all these milestones the obvious was pointed out to us on Friday at therapy: the older Gabe gets the further behind he becomes. And while, it's a very obvious observation, I just loathed hearing it out loud. Especially since Gabe works so hard. But I know as Gabe works he is getting better and stronger each week and that years from now, weekly therapy appointments will just be a small blip in Gabe's miraculous past.

We are so proud of Gabe and his determination to keep rolling with the punches. And we are so thankful for wonderful therapists like KC and Danielle.

So while therapy is wonderful for Gabe and continues to help him each day get further to reaching his full temptation, I hate that he's so miserable while he's at the rehab center. Could you spare some prayers for our little guy that he's not so miserable when he's working with his therapist? Thanks!

Was it just last year?

Last year I skipped Mother's Day. And it stunk. And it didn't just stink for me, it stunk for my Mom too. And believe me, I have a fabulous mom so to skip Mother's Day was not an easy, or quick decision I made. But I knew, emotionally I would not be able to handle another Mother's Day without being a mom.

So last Mother's Day, Matt and I went to church where I gave my Mom a hug but couldn't utter those 3 words that I knew would break my heart and then taught Sunday School where I let Matt and Tiffany (the other girl that helps us - she's the best) work the door so I could avoid all of the mothers picking up their children. And then Matt and I went home, ate and had just an ordinary Sunday. And that's what I needed; it was cathartic yet selfish. Because more than any other day, even her birthday, my mom loves Mother's Day. Because she loves being a mother. And she is such a great mother. Unselfish, devoted, kind and loving; a wonderful, devoted to God type of Mom. The type of mom I hope to be, just with a lot more babies:)

Last year I never would have believed that I would be the mama of a beautiful 8 month old baby boy. I hoped but didn't believe it. But the other fabulous mother in my life did. At my nephew Jacob's birthday party which occurred the day before Mother's Day my sister-in-law (but, really I mean sister) gave me my first Mothers Day gift. An angel that came with the saying "May you find strength, peace and beauty every day." It was beautiful, sweet and made me cry, of course! But what meant more to me than the gift was what Annie said, that she believed this would be my last Mothers Day without a baby. And I wanted to believe her and I hoped she was right, but for the sake of my heart, I couldn't fully believe. But on nights when I was sad, days that I felt hopeless or mornings I awoke empty I clung to her words, her belief that soon I would be a mother.

And I am! Sometimes I still can't believe how God has blessed my life and answered the desire of my heart by giving us Gabe. Even though I'd like a few uninterrupted hours of sleep or a shower that doesn't include popping my head out to talk to Gabe, I wouldn't change a thing. If our journey has taught me anything (and believe me, it's taught me more than I could ever share) it has taught me to cherish every moment. Sleepless nights and cold showers, sweet baby smells and accessories, smiles and coos, dirty diapers and peed on mama, furniture, clothes.... all of it, everything - I love it and wouldn't trade for anything.

I am so blessed and I know it. And maybe that's why my heart is feeling a little heavy tonight. Because I am blessed and know so many couples that are still waiting. I know what it feels like to see a pregnant belly, a newborn baby or a disheveled new mom and wish that was me. So this year, as I celebrate the wonderful life of motherhood I am not going to forget my sisters and brothers that are still traveling this journey, still waiting for their blessing. I'm going to pray that God comforts them and blesses them soon with the desires of their heart. And that while they're waiting; the people in their life remember them on days like this, just like my sister Annie remembered me last year.

Would you join me in praying for all of the people waiting for their family? Whatever path they take on this journey; adoption, fertility treatments or just waiting and trying that they find peace and comfort. And believe me, even if you don't know who they are, you know someone who's waiting.

Prayers are powerful. "Confess to one another therefore your faults and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The earnest prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available." James 5:16

Eye Surgery (#1?)

Friday started when the alarm went off at 4:15 signalling time to shower and get ready for Gabe's surgery. Gabe snuggled in bed with Matt while I got ready and then he had a bottle... and not a bottle of formula like he was hoping, but of an apple juice - water combination. But Gabe was a trooper and drank it down.

Out the door at 5:15 brought us to the hospital shortly before check-in time at 6:00 am. They handed us our pager, I filled out a few papers and we were off to our room. Gabe was quickly changed into a hospital gown and nurses, anesthesiologists and Dr. R came in and out a few times getting us ready.

Rocking and singing a few songs helped keep the hunger away for Gabe and the tears at bay for his Mama. One of the doctors came in and drew a smiley face above Gabe's right eye... so that there was no confusion which eye they'd be operating on! He's showing off doing his silly face while Daddy takes a picture of his smiley face. All dressed up and no where to go, hehe! I'm in my doctor attire so that I can accompany Gabe to the OR. My mom (Gabe's Nonnie) accompanied us to the hospital to provide moral support, distract us and of course, provide the Starbucks! Unlike with his MRI, Gabe fought going to sleep, did not think the mask was fun and looked scared. After falling asleep and a quick kiss on his forehead I was escorted out of the room. Me, Matt and my mom made our way to the waiting room where they went to look for something to drink and I began the waiting game.

An hour and a half later, Dr. R came out and found us. Dr. R said surgery went well and Gabe was a champ. I love how he always calls Gabe a champ. Because he is! Any child that has to go through anything like this is certainly a champ. We had to wait for our pager to go off and then we walked back to Recovery.

This is what we saw when we walked in the recovery room.... poor baby Gabe sleeping on his side. They didn't want us to touch or hold him; I think that was part of his demise when he woke up in a strange place and couldn't see his Mama or Daddy. And unlike his MRI where he woke up quickly and happily, this time Gaby baby was unhappy and in pain. Hearing him cry like he's never cried before broke our hearts.

The nurses were great, quickly brought us juice that he did not want. Until he was allowed to have a formula bottle (about an hour later) Gabe switched between sobbing loudly and whimpering quietly in my arms. Again, more heartbreak for this mama who could do nothing but hold him, rock him and sing his favorite songs.

After eating some of a regular bottle, Gabe perked up enough for them to release us. And then the best thing happened... once Gabe was in his car seat he gave us one of his smiles. It was like he knew he was going home and that was good for him.

For the rest of Friday Gabe stayed snuggled in some one's arms and slept most of the day. Between doses of Motrin and Tylenol he seemed comfortable and just plain old happy to be home! Saturday he had a final dose of Motrin, headed out to breakfast at First Watch (where he ate banana's for the first time - a post to come on that!) and just spent a quiet day at home.

Gabe really was a trooper through all of this and albeit a still slightly swollen and red eye he's doing great! We are so proud of how brave and strong he was (and is) because I'm pretty sure I'd still be miserable if I had someone moving around the muscles in my eye.

And hopefully this surgery will be completely successful and Gabe won't have to have this surgery ever (or at least not for a very long time) again! But the post is entitled "Eye Surgery (#1?)" because it may (probably) be the first in a series of surgeries. Would you join us in praying for Gabe: that his eye continues to heal, that this surgery worked and that it even helps raise his eye lid some?

It'd be great if this surgery corrected all of the problems, but realistically Gabe will have another surgery in the not-so-distant future. And just like this time, your prayers and the loving hand of our Father will carry us through again.

Love & Blessings!

Elephants, Easter and Eyes

Last Thursday and Friday Gabe and I ventured down to Columbus with his Nonnie (my Mom), Uncle Bucko (my brother Michael) and Gabe's 4 cousins: Caleb, Ethan, Jacob and Sam. Gabe did terrific in the car rides there and back and had so much fun playing with his cousins. He loves to watch all of the different things to they're able to do and they spend a lot of time loving on our little man. Thursday we went to Magic Mountain were the older boys (and Mike:) were able to race go-carts, play laser tag and video games. The best thing for the little ones (Sam & Jake) was the climbing zone. Best $5.00 my mom probably ever spent! The boys had a blast and Gabe had fun watching it all; soaking it all in and probably contemplating what he's going to do when he's big enough to run amok.

Thursday night we stayed in this fancy-dancy hotel that we got really inexpensive. Hotwire is the way to book hotels! The hotel had a heated pool and I was so excited for Gabe to go swimming for the first time. However, the 'heated' pool was super cold so after dappling his feet in the water, we were done! After heading back up stairs we enjoyed watching cable TV (he, he) and Gabe's 4 cousins running around the rooms.

On Friday we went to the Columbus Zoo... and it was packed! Gabe loves the zoo and now that he sits in the stroller without the carrier he has even more fun! We saw penguins and a manatee, a buffalo and bears, a whole menagerie of animals! But the best thing we saw.... the Cleveland elephants!!! You see, Gabe has been to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo 4 or 5 times but has never seen the elephants because they're visiting their buddies in Columbus while their home is being renovated. So he (okay, really it was all me) was just super excited to visit the elephants while they were on holiday somewhere else. But we can't wait for the elephants to come home next summer!

Gabe and I got home to enjoy the tail end of our Good Friday ice cream social with our life group and then spent the weekend getting ready for Easter.

While Easter always causes me to feel grateful, awed and unworthy, this year it was different. I felt more... well more of everything this year, but that's for another post entirely. Gabe looked super styling in his Easter outfit - hat and all. Daddy didn't like the hat too much and while I was running an errand (love you Sarah!) Gabe 'spit-up' on his outfit and was changed before I came home. Little did Matt know that Gabe's back-up outfit matched the hat too!

After church, we headed to my brothers house for Easter lunch. And while the food was delicious, the best part was spending time with all of our family. Gabe met his great aunt Diane and uncle Mark for the first time - and actually let aunt Dianne hold him, which is a tremendous feat if you know Gabe and how attached he is too his Momma and Daddy.

Lunch was short however because Matt and I (along with our life group family) had to meet at 3:30 to get ready to serve dinner at the Salvation Army. And can I just tell you that that was the best part of my Easter. Serving others as Jesus served while He was here on Earth seemed the best way to spend the day we glorify Him. I can not wait to have the opportunity to serve at the Salvation Army again!

Easter wrapped up and then this week has been busy. The weather has been beautiful so we've spent lots of time outside going for walks and enjoying the sunshine. Unfortunately we've also been busy with doctors appointments preparing for Gabe's eye surgery this coming Friday.

Everything is ready for his surgery, except probably me and Matt. While I know the surgery is routine, and Dr. R does these surgeries every week - it's still my baby having surgery and surgery is not routine for us (thank God!). Gabe is such a fighter, I know he'll do great. We just pray that the anesthesia isn't too hard on Gabe, the surgery is successful and Gabe doesn't have any adverse side effects. And while I know that when we have to let go of Gabe for the surgery, God will still be holding onto him. That alone brings us all the peace we need, but still walking away

So, with Gabe's surgery coming up you know what I'm going to ask for, don't you? Would you join us praying for Gabe on Friday; for his sweet spirit to not be effected by the surgery, for the surgery itself, for Dr. R to cut, tighten and loosen the right eye muscles, for the nurses and anesthesiologists assisting Dr. R and for everyone Gabe meets to see in him the miracle of our mighty God?

We know God is in control and that He is already at the hospital waiting for us to get there.....