A few weeks ago Matt and I received a call from MCB (adoption attorney). She wanted to know if we would be interested in submitting our life book to a birth mother. MCB asked if we'd like to be submitted because the baby has an unfavorable inutero diagnosis. If I could remember how to spell, or even say it, I think that I'd be inclined share what it is but since I can't remember, that's a moot point. Suffice it to say, the babies brain had a disruption of blood supply for an unknown amount of time and this caused development problems. The severity or any future diagnosis is unknown at this time.
Initially we said no, but then decided to submit our life book if we could hear from the bms doctor. The bm asked to meet with us earlier this week and I called and spoke to her doctor. After speaking to her doctor and talking with Matt we decided to back out and not proceed further with this adoption process. MCB contacted us with some new information, Matt spoke to a different, perhaps better informed doctor and we have decided to meet with the birth mother. This meeting will hopefully occur next week after her next ultrasound.
While we had many initial reservations, and still have many concerns I am oddly at peace. At our 1st meeting with MCB she asked if we would take a child with a disability. I remember being a bit befuddled that she would even have to ask that, like there are any guarantees with any child. We'd never have an abortion if we were having a biological child with any problems, so how could we say no to adopting a child with a problem.
And then we were faced with the choice and I balked. Fear still pounds through me when I think of adopting a baby that may never "know" us, falling in love with a baby that could die inutero or being the parent of a child who may never be able to care for himself. And in thinking those thoughts, my heart continued to rest on one thought: what is God's purpose in directing our path this way. Why would God give us this type of mountain to cross, what does he want me to learn and how can I grow in Him through this.
But now that we've decided to go through with meeting the bm, I'm ready. I am an all or nothing type of girl and God knows that. He knows that if the bm chooses us I will fall in love with him and then there will be no turning back. He knows which child we're meant to be parents too, so we're ready to follow the path God's directing.
And this is where we're at: the bm is going to meet with us and one other couple from a different agency. We're going to wait until we hear about the next ultrasound results before deciding anything but for me, the decision has already been made. Because amidst this storm, I feel a peace that I barely recognize. A peacefulness that has put me at ease with whatever happens next.
So whatever happens next, we're ready! Whether the bm chooses us or not, whether we have a child by the end of summer or find ourselves in Ethiopia sooner rather than later, this is the path we're supposed to be on and we can't wait to see what happens next!
Love & Blessings, Meredith
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