Boys: 75 (down 4)Girls: 98 (down 2)
Siblings: 34 (down 1)
Discouraged. That's what I feel when I look at those numbers.
On the boys and girls lists we've moved an average of 3 spots per month. So for the boys list we could potentially be looking at 25 more months of waiting. In 25 months Gabe will be nearly 5 years. Thinking of that makes my heart ache, just plain ache.
I know that we are doing what God has asked us to do but convincing my heart and mind to be in sync with this wait is nearly impossible. So impossible that I've begun to ask God for a miracle. A big one.
Recently, I read a story about a newborn that was dead at birth, taken to the morgue and when the parents went to see her one last time, she was alive. Even the doctors couldn't explain what happened and the doctor interviewed in the article said it was a miracle. Really, a doctor with a degree in medicine claimed a miracle.
I also read recently about how miracles are happening all around us, we just fail to recognize them as such. We are so literal now and require lots of numerical evidence before we believe anything but today, I am stepping away from that. For the past few weeks I have been praying for a miracle. Today and for as many days as I'm waiting I will continue to pray for this miracle. What am I praying? I am praying for God's hand to move in adoption. To move grandly. I am praying that we will have a referral by Christmas. That would be the best Christmas gift possible for me, besides the birth of Jesus that is. The awesome part of this is that not only will we have a referral, but the families in front of us on the wait list, they will too! And when that happens, there will be no other explanation but that of a miracle.
I may sound crazy. Some days I even feel slightly crazy but I know that my God can do big things.
And so I wait...I pray... I believe.