Monday, January 24, 2011

That Darn Humanity

For awhile now I have wanted to go on a missions trip. Go to a far-off country and work all in the name of Christ's love. To share with others the endless love of God and the limitless possibilities of a life walking with Him. It would be a dream come true. My dream come true that is.

In the past couple of years our church has exploded in the realm of global missions and it has been fantastic to watch. But I want to join in on the action. Planting a church, building and sponsoring a nutrition center, ministering in the streets; these are all things I ache to be a part of. Last year I was this close to committing to go to El Salvador before I felt a little 'nudge' that the timing wasn't right. Let's be honest, last summer we couldn't leave Gabe anywhere for any period of time because he didn't want to be without his daddy or mama.

But this year our church has 4 (I think) mission trips planned (El Salvador, Dominican Republic, Vietnam) and I was determined to find a way to go. Since every extra penny we have is going to bring our baby home financing was of course an issue. Matt having 2 1/2 weeks of vacation that he needs to save for our adoption also came into play. But I thought I had that part figured out and began to pray about going.

I'll be honest, I prayed about finding the funds, Gabe's security (and Matt's sanity) while I was gone but I never prayed about actually going to these places. I was just certain I was supposed to go.
Matthew 28:19-20 "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. "
The Bible tells you to go, so why would I question that aspect of the decision making process.

But as I prayed, again I felt a 'nudge.' It was one of those remarkable times where the spirit of God whispers so clearly into your heart that there is no mistaking. But I wanted to be mistaking!!!

I heard a "no!" And not a quiet, gentle not now kind of no... but a flat out, firm NO. I was astounded!! The Bible tells you to go and all that I was hearing was a no. I couldn't believe it. I had to be wrong, I must have misunderstood.

I heard right, I didn't misunderstand but my humanity stood in the way. My desire to do my own thing, even when it's "biblical" is not necessarily His desire for me. Do you know how much that stinks? I wasn't praying to God asking about a trip to Hawaii for a week by myself (whoa, just think about the wonderful sleep I would get), I wanted to go on a missions trip to a 3rd world country and work.

So I continued to pray. But rather than praying about going, I prayed about staying. As I've prayed, read my Bible and reflected on staying here, I've come to a much better place. I know my time to serve abroad will come, it just might not be where the church is serving now. But for right now, my place to serve is right here. At home with Gabriel, at my church, in my neighborhood and in my community. This kind of goes along with an 'adventure' God has placed in my heart. One I will begin working on (and sharing) once we're done with the majority of the paperchase called adoption paperwork [smile].

"And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world for a witness to all the nations, and then the end shall come." Mathew 24:14

Sharing the love of Jesus is important no matter where you do it.


Mari Bryant- Marks said...

I love this post! I have to admit I got all excited when you said you want to go to El Sal. I'm co-leading the trip this Summer, and was bummed when you said it isn't for you right now. But it is all cool, because you are obeying and that's what is important. :) Plus I have plans for you and I to travel to Ethiopia for a future missions trip! Oh yeah, I have it all figured out. I'm just waiting on a couple of details to be ironed out in the next month and then we are going to start a fantastic adventure!

Denise said...

You are the most amazing person EVER.