Unlikely Gratitude

Today is Thanksgiving and every year my list of things to be thankful for seems to grow longer and longer. As I look at my list, two things strike me. The first is that I am so blessed. My life is filled with immeasurable amounts of love and happiness, I truly shouldn't ask for more (but I do, it's just human nature I suppose).

The second thought that took me by surprise was one of the things that for which I was grateful. You see my list looked a lot like this:

1. My faith and religion
2. Matt
3. Gabriel
4. my family
5. my friends
6. freedom
7. adoption
8. life group
9. classic literature
10. warm boots
11. Harry Potter
12. technology
13. Gabe's therapists and doctors
14. my church
    

and my list went on and on. But my list included one word that I never thought I'd be thankful for and that word was infertility. It surprised me as I wrote it down and I had to ask myself, "are you really thankful for infertility?" But unbeknown st to me I am. While infertility has brought me intense pain, it has also brought immense joy.

First infertility brought me Gabe. And while Gabe was not born from me, he is part of me. Gabriel is the light of my (and Matt's) life and I can't imagine life without him. He was meant to be ours, and without infertility he may never have made it home to our arms

Infertility changed my marriage. And made it stronger. I never knew how much compassion Matt had until he had to hold me for hours on end as I cried. I never knew how strong he was until he held me together when I was falling apart on my own. It's doubtful that our marriage would be as strong, as deep or as rock solid as it is now had we not encountered infertility. Maybe it would be but I suppose we'll never know.

Being infertile and having my hopes and dreams ripped from my heart and soul changed my relationship with God. Now, God is more than enough... then, well I loved God but he wasn't my center, my rock like He is now.

And infertility brought me the deepest, truest and sweetest friendships I could ever imagine. While growing up I never heard about people not being able to get pregnant. Sure, I heard about people getting pregnant when they didn't want to but for someone to not be able to get pregnant - unheard of!

Then I grew up and realized that life doesn't happen the way you think it will. That even though marriage followed love, baby doesn't always follow marriage. I thought I was alone and while I'd never want anyone to feel the pain I've felt God didn't leave me lonely. He equipped me with friends, sisters who know what I've been through because they've been there too. They know when to talk, when to listen or when to just hold a hand. Without infertility these girls would be my friends. With infertility they're my sisters, for life.

And that is how I can be grateful for infertility. A beautiful son, a wonderful marriage and husband, a deep relationship with God and sisters are all reasons why infertility made my list of things I'm thankful for.

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

How can I look at this and not be grateful?!