1 Year Waiting Thought You'd Be Here

Thursday marked 1 year on the wait list.  Last year we celebrated with blizzards from Dairy Queen.  This year I vacillated from being so happy that we made it this far to being so discouraged that we are still so far away from a referral. 

It's easy to blithely say that you trust in the sovereignty of God's timing to actually be in a circumstance that you have to live it.  And I do.  I do trust in God's timing in building our family and while we wonder what the face of our little one looks like, God already knows his (or her) name, birth date and eye color.  

But it's hard.  Oh so hard.  Especially when you think about the numbers.  And Thursday I got caught up in the numbers.  I did the math and figured out that we 'should be waiting 15.8 more months for a son and 17.8 months for a daughter.  A sibling... well that's just a big crazy confusing mess to try to figure out!  I went back and forth from thinking about the numbers and waiting game to standing firm in the knowledge that God is bigger than a number on a wait list. 

Later, a friend sent me an email with Psalm 46:10 included telling me to "Be still and know that I am God."  For the rest of the afternoon I must have repeated that verse 100 times and gradually my mind wandered away from the numbers and back into the solace of knowing that as sure as God knit our child in his birth mothers womb, he surely knows when we will meet.

Earlier this week another friend sent me this song by Wes King.  While not all of the lyrics reflect our situation; waiting for your child is just plain hard. 

But if you like dancing

I'll make it rain rhythm, and rhyme, and melodies, child

And if you like dreaming

Your mother will make your imagination run wild

Somehow, we thought you'd be here by now

We have a room just for you upstairs Its right down the hall

So we'll be close should you ever get scared

We'll come when you call

It's a room full of stories

Waiting to be told

Longing to behold

And if you like laughing

I'll paint you a circus of smiles and ferris wheels, dear

And if you like living

Your mother will fly you to worlds both far and near

Somehow..

I never knew the silence could make me so deaf

I never knew that I could miss someone I've never met
Miss someone I haven't met
We'll be waiting

It really is possible to miss and love someone you've never met.  It's painful and hard, but glorious and beautiful all at the same time.